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A darkness fell upon me

by Jacob Earl

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1.
Cough It Up 02:54
Every day's a blessing That's the fucking lesson You would rather question Than listen to confession Spit it out cough it up It's never tough enough You wanted it rough Not used to being rebuffed Nah Every time you came to town I made reasons to be around The cancer and the cure you found Still I always felt left down No time for sorry for yourself The rising fear you try to quell The gulf is wide to the other side of the well Where you could always soak and dwell An apocalypse couldn't stop this pain In the copse of trees, your lips stained The surprise you feigned The moonlight waned Coughing up blood it's bitter like tea It's a strange sight to see When you think you're so healthy It hasn't got the best of me Every day's a blessing That's the fucking lesson You would rather question Than listen to confession Spit it out cough it up It's never tough enough You wanted it rough Not used to being rebuffed Nah
2.
Remember Remember remember Remember the time You were so sick You thought that you were dying Remember remember Remember the time You were so sick You thought that you were dying You're like a simile You're trying to be a metaphor So sick of me Nothing to say anymore Come back to life Come back to die Come back to life Come back to die Come back to life Come back to die Remember remember Remember the time Remember the time You were so sick You thought that you were dying Remember remember Remember the time You were so sick You thought you were dying Remember remember Remember the time
3.
Mercy comes in many shapes and sizes Like a skyscraper with no advertisements Not cluttered with pop art galore Just functional and gothic and capitalist gore How do you measure the size of a soul? It's as if it isn't there, how do you know? How do you measure the size of a soul? It's as if it isn't there, how do you know? How do you know? How do you know? Mercy is a an ever fickle beast May decide one day to make you the feast Not dressed up with apéritif Not designed to be true relief How do you measure the size of a soul? It's as if it isn't there, how do you know? How do you measure the size of a soul? It's as if it isn't there, how do you know? How do you know? How do you know? Mercy makes us both strong and weak The feeling you get when you can't even speak The lump in your throat from swallowing your pride You failed but at least you tried How do you measure the size of a soul? It's as if it isn't there, how do you know? How do you measure the size of a soul? It's as if it isn't there, how do you know? How do you know? How do you know? How do you know? How do you know? How do you measure the size of a soul? It's as if it isn't there, how do you know? How do you measure the size of a soul? It's as if it isn't there, how do you know?
4.
Digestion 03:00
If guts were synthetic Would you still need an emetic To rid yourself of filthy wants And all the choices you find daunting If brains were a microchip Would you blank out with every glitch Could you reboot your feelings Enough to heal from me If your heart was mainframe Would you still feel so much shame I cannot complain I feel the same Eat it up Eat it up Eat all your din Eat it up Eat it up Eat all your sin If your hands were plastic Would they feel less fantastic When you strummed upon my heart Your fingers picked apart If your tummy were full of butterflies Would all the love in your soul die Digestion of the deepest apologies An inner phenomenology Eat it up Eat it up Eat all your din Eat it up Eat it up Eat all your sin Happy meals in your mouth Happy thoughts heading South Stopping at a greasy diner Nothing could be finer Eat it up Eat it up Eat all your din Eat it up Eat it up Eat all your sin
5.
A darkness fell upon me It was like a brick It weighed a thousand trees It had a billion sticks They pierced me thru Tore my guts Did I lie to you In a moral rut The efforts of the year Came crashing down When the pain reappeared Loud and proud I'm just Telling it Like it is A darkness fell upon me It was a bitter rose Withered and thorny And beautiful I suppose But you can't trust good Hiding in the dark A coward in a hood Lurking in the park I'm just Telling it Like it is A darkness fell upon me It clapped its hands The pitch was my heartbeat In foreign lands
6.
A curse describes this year It brought a sinking ship It showed an ugly fear It gets uttered on my lips And then it slips A knife across the neck Utterly circumspect The time I spent in heck Not what I'd expect But I'm doing okay now It made me strong I can't say how But it feels wrong But I'm doing okay now It made me strong I can't say how But it feels wrong Camera stares me in the eyes You can see my face a thousand times Deflecting questions of why Reflecting all the thought crimes There is no consequence To loving the future first To shun the present tense Our goals lay bare the worst But I'm doing okay now It made me strong I can't say how But it feels wrong But I'm doing okay now It made me strong I can't say how But it feels wrong Lying on my back In the hot sands All the words I lack For how I held your hand The strange, calm sea For all its glory deep Couldn't drown your plea For the eternal sleep But I'm doing okay now It made me strong I can't say how But it feels wrong But I'm doing okay now It made me strong I can't say how But it feels wrong

about

A short, unhappy journey of sickness and health.

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released February 3, 2023

Produced, written, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl.

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Jacob Earl Mississippi Mills, Ontario

No Gender. Queer Songs.

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