by Jacob Earl

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A conceptual piece, ANXIETY is ten tiny songs about embracing the beauty in neurodivergence.


released October 29, 2018

Produced, written, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl.




Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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Track Name: Anxiety
My brain can't stop thinking o things
I got a lotta anxiety
It just keeps rolling around
It won't just be quiet for me
It's got me in a right mess
I just wanna clean it up
Instead I keep making it worse
Every time I get up

I want to be calm
I want to be calm

I can't catch my breath
I can't speak, I can't eat
My body is buzzing loud
From my head to my feet
Hold me now don't let me go
I don't wanna be alone
I'm scared of everything
How did I get so prone?

I want to be calm
Track Name: Go Away
I am sad
Every time you go away
There is an emptiness
Sitting in your place
It doesn't work
It doesn't feel
I can't cry on its shoulders
They're not even real
Track Name: Rumination
Think back to a time
Before I had regrets
The memory is so dim
I almost forget

A basement full of sound
Sticky skin and floors
Amplified sentiments
Innocent no more

I can't live in the past
You're not ever coming back

Constant rumination
Never peace or closure
Write another song about it
Means it's never over

A super 8 somewhere
Buried in belongings
Can't destroy the evidence
Of all of my wrongdoings
Track Name: Too Much

Practice your poker face
In front of the mirror
Dark sunglasses
And a cigarette
Carrying drugs
In your leather jacket
You'll share with anyone
who asks

I don't wanna die
But the point of it all
Seems to pass me by
I don't wanna die
But the point of it all
Seems to pass me by

You're comical and logical
A real conundrum
The only thing good to me
A genuine smile
Heart pitter-patter
Stare at my feet
I want it to be real
It's altogether too much
Track Name: Not Enough
Work is not enough
Years I been crumblin'
Took a coward's path
Years I been turning in

Kiss me hello, dear
Kiss me goodnight

Money's not enough
Years I been stumblin'
All the gains I made
I fell back down again

Queer is not enough
Years I been mumblin'
Never coming out
Fear o' failing you, my love

Kiss me hello, dear
Kiss me goodnight
Track Name: Aura
Pressure, pressure
Focus and release
In the eyes
Holding back the beast

At best the rest
Delayed another day
Tomorrow begins
The pain once again

Aura, aura
Hazy, hazy brain
Sorrow, sorrow
Hurting from the rain

Aura, aura
Hazy, hazy brain
Sorrow, sorrow
Lazy refrain
Track Name: Come Back
I will come back
Once in a while
I miss you
And your smile

I will come back
Early or late
Which day
I can't exactly say

I will come back
Like Jesus in the book
I won't be a martyr
But I'll help you cook

I will come back
I promise, just wait
Misery loves promises
And misery's my fate
Track Name: Insomnia
Kick it

There's a crackle somewhere
Electric air
A heartbeat beating
But you were never there

I must have died a little
I couldn't bear
My teeth clenched
The sadness doesn't care

I lie awake alone
Playing my favourite song
You were here once I swear
And now you are gone

I lie awake forever
The night drags on
I keep your memory alive
Like nothing went wrong

Like nothing went wrong
Like nothing went wrong
Track Name: Old Growth
Fallacy grip rain
Slipping out the back
Soaking from the heavens
On a porch in the forest

Friends and users
Tell me a story
Something about you
You never told

Floating in your memory
A flash of you and I
Standing in the rain
Lost in lust

Fancy dance night club
Bumping together
Going home early
And making love

I'll share your secret with no one
Your gift is not mine to give
I'll share your secret with no one
Your gift is not mine to give
Track Name: New Age
I haven't felt this way
In a long time

We're close to extinction
For a final time
What are you wearing?

Special occasion
Once in a lifetime
What a surprise
To see you caring

It's a new age
All the celebration
Let's snuff it out
Let's be more daring

It's a new age
Shut the door on the old
Join the the masses
Do what you're told

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