Avec Love

by Jacob Earl

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1.
any takers, any time you'll meet your maker across the great divide arms of chaos will sign you are here come to take us away from what we all fear put your arms around me, baby lift and twist to reach the door built four walls around me killed all ghosts and exorcised poor old souls never realized arm a kid with a gun they're ready to fight and die make them pay for your mistakes without telling them why carve and draw to ricochet built bigger guns to get our way any day now you'll do as I say spared no sense of dream and desire hell hath no fury hell hath no fire...
2.
i woke up for work this morning i didn't want to go i look in the mirror these days my age begins to show i look across the bed at you you're dearer every day i'm escaping thru my literature you're dreaming of a way to become ms. Prime minister no second rate job will do i feel like i have such small aspirations but i'm the one backing you i got back from work today and didn't know what to do these alternating shifts we've got don't change my love for you but every little second i must occupy my mind it leaves me wondering what it was i did to deserve your kindness and you became ms. Prime minister of my heart
3.
03:16
by the time i had the mind enough to understand a rhyme i was trying to think of clever ways to complete the next line and i would second guess my best and i would second guess the rest and i'd still come to the same conclusion i didn't pass the test though i'm my own worst critic it's more than nit-picking; it's amplified by some dumbwit's widiotic irrevision i don't buy it... but i can't hide it, you keep trash talking, i keep feeling like smashing someone's head in i can't hold a key but i've held the key to my own freedom i traded it though, for a verse and some six string idiom worsened by my inner voice they didn't give me the choice by the time i had a clear perception of reality the packaging of it changed and mine didn't include batteries i've been running on alternate means ever since though all my instincts tell me to cease and desist worsened by your inner voice they didn't give you the choice it was never up to you by the time i had the mind enough to understand a crime i was conceiving of ways to break all ties with all my fellow mankind that feeling it came and went that feeling still comes to get me and i still come to the same conclusion one day it will get me though i'm my own worst critic i'm trying to change that 'change comes from within' it was a smart man who said that worsened by my inner voice i wasn't given the choice it was never up to me ha! you know i don't really believe it we take responsibility for our own dreamin' and if we lay it on the line it somehow makes it all the more appealing by the time i had the mind enough to understand you live in this world, and if i don't give a hand then i won't get anything back in return you get what you give and that's the way you learn by the time that feeling came and went i hadn't really learned, i had to learn in retrospect and this all came out in a burst i don't know what i was thinking but i felt like worse... worsened by your inner voice they didn't give you the choice it was never up to you
4.
04:21
countdown until we get to be alone can't wait til everything else is gone I'm the one You wanna spend your life with...
5.
05:35
hell, i didn't make up the rules why i choose to even heed 'em, i don't know everyone's got a level of tolerance why i get angry at the subtle nuance, it goes to show patience wears thin on me, in fact it barely fits at all the tailor of my birthday suit didn't allow for my mind to take root and he's got the gall to tell me there's something wrong with my frame-of-mind believe me buddy, i think of you in kind. i believe it, i earned my keep when we get down to the heart of the matter i just haven't kept it up week-to-week. The days are packed with excuses for avoiding the truth and the games we employ to do it for us make it all the more gruesome. I will try to avoid the metaphysical slaughter or i'll have the taste of the taint of the blood of innocence in my water...
6.
08:02
no i didn't say that you put those words right in my mouth and then ripped them out again waved them around for all to see... you say "i didn't start this" i say "i didn't start this" it seems nobody started this it just welled up it just welled up... from somewhere inside we walked out early the party still went on the lights left tracers on the highway until dawn you say "i didn't start this" i say "i didn't start this" it seems nobody started this it just welled up it just welled up... from somewhere inside from somewhere inside hush... Ok the eyes are taking over read between the lines i try to find your face in the dark we're doing fine, we're doing fine you say "i didn't start this" i say "i didn't start this" it seems nobody started this it just welled up it just welled up... from somewhere inside on my stereo disco mixer the sounds come out all wrong interpreted for a reason sounds make me feel strong you're feeling strong we can't go on for long
7.
08:48
We are bound by dirt and dust Spend years trying to escape Before we find what we want is right here We let it slip away Mothers find your sons Something to keep us whole Fathers teach your daughters How to stay at home we have found our hearts we are hands unguarded now we are bound in love and art And we will discover the rest of our secrets together We are bound by unspoken trust Wasted too long trying to put words to it In our love and lust I can always see right through it Sisters keep your brothers Strong enough to shine Brothers make your sisters the envy of all time we have found our hearts we are hands unguarded now we are bound in love and art And we will discover the rest of the secrets together
8.
05:57
What's more dangerous than a summer breeze? We've come a long way Since we started to keep track of these things The chemistry that ignited this flame Will form a bond That will keep our dna Strip all but the essence away The dangers that I pose You couldn't clean them all up And the love will linger on forever What's more dangerous than a speeding love? Full-throttle at my heart My arteries slipped thru your Driving gloves You couldn't clean them all up The love will linger on forever The dangers that I pose You couldn't clean them all up And the love will linger on forever The mathematics are so precise The mathematics are so precise I haven't after All this time Devised a way to make you better? Better, better, better The dangers that I pose You couldn't clean them all up And the love will linger on forever What's more dangerous than a winter chill? We've come a long way Since you choked down on that bitter pill
9.
03:59
after the rapture died down I'd all but left all the pieces behind Not to be unkind It was simply time to let it all go In every refreshing time There's bitter moments and sweet lies Beyond all that jazz There's lemon'lime Soda you're sipping thru a straw From the can Caught you off guard It's all the things I wanted to discard Introducing illicit crimes One more try One year to the day Will it all go away? After tomorrow today I'd rather we moved some other place Not to be unkind I simply want to let it all go In due time I'll let you know I love you more than these metaphors Could show Beyond the green Beyond the lows Together we grow Caught you off guard It's all the things I wanted to discard Introducing illicit crimes One more try One year to the day Will it all go away?
10.
lines made up in my mind the words belie the lies stars are falling from the sky it's all behind me now the skies are dimmer still the time fades fast but still in elements of disguise You just never realize they were made up on the spot little attract-me-nots what does it matter still? it's all behind me now the times we broke it down to the barest layer of skin you took it on the chin times were thick and then it happened all again the time we fell in what does it matter still? that's all behind us now stars are falling from the sky it's all behind us now the skies are dimmer still it's all behind us now the skies are growing lines no traces of your eyes you wore the perfect disguise i just never saw through the lives made to forget me not the smiles led to getting hot the sun is fading fast and it's all behind us now
11.
in your pretty old coat hides a fairer site still and when I started this angry I thought about you and the rest just all disappeared you smoothed out the edges of a roughly hewn heart and when it comes to these matters of love everyone thinks they're so smart I'm breaking up for wanting more she couldn't have met me on the other side I had a surprise I had so much in store we never got to walk along the shore. Now and not then I have learned not to kill The desire To put up a fight for love Just for the thrill But you kept me on level Because we all must endure If we all thought alike About love, We'd be done for for sure I'm breaking up for wanting more You wanted to meet me on the other side I have a surprise I have so much in store I promise we'll get to walk along the shore. in your pretty old skirt that I've never seen before we walked through the market together with strawberries galore on the hottest days of summer thin city air to breathe we toasted together with orange pop how soon we would leave I can't ask for anything more you came and met me on the other side you made me realize none of this is a chore and we've already walked along the shore.
12.
everybody's got an answer for you and everybody's got a solution for you you'll pay for it dearly one way or another it don't come for cheap, I promise you that much and everybody thinks their heart is on fire and until we forget, it don't make us all liars but we'll get to the core one way or another and we'll rip it apart and use it as a crutch Until we forgive & forget We won't get anywhere All these lies untold Just keep getting in our hair And it 'comes Bigger over the years Until we forgive & forget We'll payback in fears Until we forgive & forget These lies will haunt us

about

Originally written and recorded between 2002-2004 and released in July 2004, remastered August 16, 2020. My second official solo album (after Tigers, 2002); a very sophomoric sophomore effort.

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released July 16, 2004

Produced, written, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl.

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Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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