Because We Didn't Look Back

by Jacob Earl

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about

Feel it all slipping away. But don't look back. Ever.

credits

released December 27, 2005

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about

Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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Track Name: Kaleidescope
Mother night is choking behind a sky of white and red
Putin's kaleidescope trains on the stars again

Season's pleasure, we smoke ten times a day
Indeed we will repeat it indefinitely
Morality never paid

This war is under guise of entertaining
If we tried to explain it, our friendship just might fall apart
And it just might fade away

Country, Lake, and we traded for
Something we can't describe anymore

Part time jobs and full time dreams
Dreams point us in the right direction
All of this, all of this
All of this is just a reflection
It's just a reflection
Track Name: Fifty
you’ve lived
eighteen thousand,
two hundred and fifty days…
passed on
the wisdom of the ages
to the kids you’ve raised.

i cannot verify
if what I’ve been told is a lie;
life gets better
after fifty?

maybe you
can shed some light
you speak from experience
you can see the end
without so much interference.

i want you to tell me why
life gets better and then you die;
life gets better
after fifty?

i hope that
i look as good as you
when I am fifty too
and maybe
the wisdom of the ages
will prove this life is just a practice run,
will prove this life is just a…

i want to live forever
if it just keeps getting better,
so tell me life gets better
life gets better after fifty.
Track Name: Pictures
these pictures of you
they paint a thousand words
they tell me your life story
stories I’ve never heard

they are the memories
that have joined me in my mind
i feel as though I know the you
you somehow left behind

these pictures you took
I’ve never seen such pretty views
and the ones of you, that look
makes me fall in love with you

Oh just pictures
But snapshots in the past
In a split second
Refracted by the glass

These pictures black and white
Searing with your tempting tones
I can see that you’re not frightened
But restrained by the subtle unknowns

How can these pictures compare
To the true form that is moving
The life that I am sharing
Beyond the frame measured with care

Oh just pictures
But snapshots in the past
They are our memories
That our bodies won’t outlast
Track Name: Down On The River
down on the river
she sat out on the raft
the current
deliberate
had her trapped

she didn’t seem to fight it
she didn’t seem to care
i wondered if she noticed
i wondered if
i could make it there
in time in time
in time in time

my feet felt frozen
frozen to the ground
i lifted with all my might
like lead they fell back down
to the ground

but somehow I moved forward
like in slow motion
movies at the drive in
the monster’s creeping
out of the lagoon

i won’t get there in time
before it rips her in two...
what can I do?
what can I do?

and all of sudden I’m lunging
cold and wet
and gasping
and reaching out
and grasping without even thinking

i haul her back to land
up the bank, through the scrub
i lay her on the sand
i tilt her head back
and hold her, lifeless
in my hands
hold her lifeless in my hands
hold her lifeless in my hands

my mouth feels dry
everything empties out before my eyes
i slowly stand up and walk away
i wish i could forget this day
i wish i could forget this day...
Track Name: Soulstice
in the evenings
we sit
quiet
trading our thoughts

i like
spending this time with you
the bond
between us seems to grow

i don’t know
what the future holds
i hope you are there
you make everything gold

in my soul
i know

i found you for a million reasons
everyday they show
Track Name: Baggage
Gentle nagging
In the back of my head
Leaves me edgy
It’s the baggage I dread
Not stuck at the airport
Tucked under my arm
This way I can trust
It will come to no harm

But I would purposely leave
It behind if I could
Rip the heart off my sleeve
Shoved in a locker would be good
Where no one will find
Cause to be unkind
Shrug it behind,
Hide in my hood

But walking away
Isn’t the way to heal wounds
In twenty shades of grey
Bursting our balloons
And out fly the memories
Like candy from a piñata
Playing out in a semi-frieze
Every piece that matters

And that is when I know
I’ll leave the candy on the floor
And place the baggage there too
I don’t need it since I got you.
Track Name: Side Door
outside the side door
the moment is frozen
cold snap taken over
I held it together for the end of the show

now St. Pat’s sits empty
looks so peaceful
in the snow
but the chains on the doors
tell us what they know

accidents happen
the steeple stands
but the church bell doesn’t ring anymore
it was out of our hands;
nothing but cold
outside the side door…

inside the side door
the hall is warm
pleasant home
presents no harm

and as we sit in solace
wonder what will face us
when the doors open wide
and we have nothing left to hide…

accidents happen
the steeple stands
but the church bell doesn’t ring anymore
it was out of our hands;
nothing but cold
outside the side door.
Track Name: Send Me
You send me high
Track Name: Tao = Te
you were always connected
to your inner peace
when I got angry and ran head on into the wall
you somehow picked me up
after the fall

you were always the Tao
and I was the te
somehow that got switched around
between the night and day

you say go with the flow
you say wu sei
i say I’m too bound
by my need to stand my ground

sometimes anger is the only way

you were always respected
in your inner circle
when I got tired and ran head on into the fire
you somehow picked me up
after i expired

you say go with the flow
you say wu sei
i say I’m too bound
by my need to stand my ground

sometimes anger is the only way

you were always the east
and I was the west
somehow that got turned around
and maybe it’s for the best
Track Name: Because We Didn't Look Back
In my dreams last night
I was visited by the muses
They came to me to do what was right
I had run out of excuses

They treated me like the devil
You treated me like an angel
They wanted to send me to Hell
You only wanted to make me whole

Because we didn't look back
We didn't see what we'd become
We almost lost each other there
Before we had even ever begun

In my dreams I turned
Back into the boy I was before
And everything I had learned
I somehow didn't know anymore

It made me feel so innocent
And cherished by your love
Because we didn't look back since then
I can never get enough
I can never get...

Because we didn't look back
We didn't see what we'd become
We almost lost each other there, my dear
Before we had even ever begun

Because we didn't look back
Because we didn't look back