Chop Off The Head

by Jacob Earl

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about

Chop Off The Head was written and recorded between March and November 2019. It is a concept piece about depression, neurodivergence, and bad brains.

credits

released November 11, 2019

All songs produced, written, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl
except
Ghost Stories Part 1 and 2: written, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl and Adam Selene.

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

contact / help

Contact Jacob Earl

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Track Name: Dark Dreams
You wake up
From the dark dreams
You're coming
Apart at the seams

Starving
For emotional
Nourishment

The reason
The dreaming
Came and went

A little bird
Gave you
These three words:

Don't
Lose
Yourself

You wake up
From the dark dreams
You're coming
Apart at the seams

Lions and tigers and bears
Oh my
Lions and tigers and bears

Sleepwalking daily
You're barely getting by
Lions and tigers and bears

A little
Voice
Inside your head

Says:
This is the moment
You always, always dread

You wake up
From the dark dreams
You're coming
Apart at the seams
Track Name: Brain Heart
Sleep off the heat
Sleep off the pain
Sever the strings
From your heart to your brain
Sleep in the streets
Sleep in the trees
Your heart hasn't mended
From the dark dreams

Open your eyes
Open your mind
What a new day brings
You didn't learn to be so kind

The irony haunts you
The iron in your veins
The blood is a tool gone to rust
Broken brains
Leave a reminder
Don't you forget about me
Lust is a blinder
With a finder's fee

Oh there's a thread
It whispers thru your veins
What it brings from your Id
All of your gains
Lie in the river
Lie in the lake
Lie to yourself
About what it'll take

Open your eyes
Open your mind
What a new day brings
You didn't learn to be so kind

Memory's a remnant
Potential bubblin' thru
I got your back, love
I just can't remember you
Pain is just an impulse
Pain is just a word
On a scale of one to fuck
How much do you hurt?

Open your eyes
Open your mind
What a new day brings
You didn't learn to be so kind
Track Name: If You Chop Off The Head Part 1
Oh I'm waiting
I'm waiting for a finer day
A finer day
And it's coming
And as soon as it does

I'll be ready
Hold steady
It just grows back
If you chop off the head

How could it all go wrong?
How could it all go wrong?
How could it all go wrong?
How did it all go wrong?

How could it all go wrong?
How did it go wrong?
How did it go wrong?

Aw no I hate you
But tonight I could love you, I could leave you
Cuz our brains are our hearts

Pulse slower, it's softer
Than a bull rush
Your tender parts

Your sanguine cry for help
I don't understand how to save you
Too much
For my mental health
I know
I know
I know
How this turns out

How could it all go wrong?
How could it all go wrong?
How could it all go wrong?
How did it go all wrong?
Track Name: Hello, Mate
Hello mate
Meet me at the ending
Hello love
Am I trending?
Hello mate
Meet me at the ending
Hello love
Am I trending?
Hello mate
Meet me at the ending
Hello love
Am I trending?
Hello mate
Meet me at the ending
Hello love

I don't wanna do this
Art anymore
I just take it and ruin it
Trying to keep score
In desperation
Filling the hole
It's empty sensations
For an empty soul

I don't want to feel it
Rap about my pain
No mystery to this shit
And nothing more to gain
Old people know
What I hope to behold
Whether I get to go on
And reach my goals

Hello mate
Meet me at the ending
Hello love
Am I trending?
Hello mate
Meet me at the ending
Hello love
Am I trending?

I didn't want to make it
Have this career
It's all my effort not to quit
Loathing rolled in fear
I put on a sweater
I put on a mask
Life doesn't get better
Just a string of tasks

I don't want to be me
Stuck in this skin
It leaves a mark, you see
Like a secret sin
Stuck in a body
I didn't choose pain
No apologies
Every body the same

Hello mate
Meet me at the ending
Hello love
Am I trending?
Hello mate
Meet me at the ending
Hello love
Am I trending?

Shiver me timbre
A bit overused
A loose cannon
On a short fuse
A throbbing pulse
In my ears
The tinnitus of silence
For the rabbit fears

Hello mate
Meet me at the ending
Hello love
Am I trending?
Hello mate
Meet me at the ending
Hello love
Am I trending?
Track Name: Open Wound
Suture my incision
I had a future vision
A bright hallucination
Of the death of humankind

It wasn't dark and criminal
No dystopic liminal
Jus' the quiet final sigh
Of the daily grind

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo

Suture my incision
I had a future vision
A bright hallucination
Of the death of humankind

It wasn't dark and criminal
No dystopic liminal
Jus' the quiet final sigh
Of the daily grind
Track Name: Little Fears
Forget about it
Forget about it
Forget about it
Forget about it

Put on a costume
Put on a show
The little fears
I don't wanna know

Forget about the hounds
Lousy clowns
Safety in numbers
Dangerous liaisons, fuckers

I'm just the other sucker
Fucker who love ya
Fool yourself
But not me, lover

Put on a costume
Put on a show
The little fears
You don't wanna know

Eleanor
Of Aquitaine
Breathe, adore
Cleanse my pain

Yr fighting for
A new crusade
Yr the patron
We all need

Put on a costume
Put on a show
The little fears
I don't wanna know
Track Name: Secret Skin
Morning's upon ya
A Benzene ring
A moebius loop
Where you play second string
Made yr best years
A sacrifice
Chopped of yr ears
With a butterfly knife

Raised with abandon
Harbour a care
What you had yr hand in
You did it with flair
I'm an outsider
Forgiven but gone
When I was the fighter
Is when I was wrong

Elementary, dear Watson
I poisoned the well
Under the hot sun
Under a spell
The devil made me do
But he didn't say how
I cried away the clues
And I'm empty now

Raising the Kraken
Dreams of the deep
Fall never happens
If you never leap
Sentiments you share
Any other day
Contextually aware
You hate you this way

I got a secret skin
I got a secret skin
I'm hiding within
I got a secret skin

But I never did right by you
So what's the dif?
Every time I fight with you
I deepen the rift
I see the light in you
Shrouded by secret
Inside there's a quiet truth
You always keep it

To yourself and no one else
No one deserving
Just can't help yourself
Or stop me from learning
The things that you hide
On the inside
A secret skin
Is always curving

I got a secret skin
I got a secret skin
I'm hiding within
I got a secret skin

Petunias on ya
Shades in the garden
Kiss you with a fine tooth
Pardon my grammar
Up in the branches
Sewing up patches
Skies like an antelope
Running from tigers

The more he catches
The slower I recover
A recipe for extinction
Never discovered
A cry for the forests
Never been blessed
A motley band
Overdressed

Batten the hatches
Devil on stilts
The more he catches
The further I tilt
The blessing keeps coming
But it always means less
You stripped the value
With a single caress

Green and black
Smoke on the blues
Enter the solo
Missing the cues
Quality you look for
In a significant other
All your confessions
Brought to your brother
Track Name: Wood Dogs
Clusters of clay
Upon my face
The mud of my arms
You feel the same
If this is the life
We may soon pick death
Or it will farm us
For its nourishment

Clusters of pain
From a race
The blood on my arms
The wars we wage
If this is life
We may soon wanna die
The choices left us
No surprises

Wood dogs
Track Name: If You Chop Off The Head Part 2
You waited too long
You waited too long
You waited too long
You waited too long

I put my head in the game
But you waited too long
You waited too long
You waited too long

I put my head in the game
There's no way to explain
You waited too long
Everything went wrong

All the love sacrificed
You did it right
I wouldn't complain
I put my hope in the fame

If you chop off the head
Doesn't mean that it's dead
If you waited too long

I just waited too long
I just waited too long
I just waited too long
I just waited too long

We just waited too long

All the love sacrificed
You did it right
I wouldn't complain
I put my hope in the fame

If you chop off the head
Doesn't mean that it's dead
If you chop off the head
Doesn't mean that it's dead

I just waited too long
I just waited too long
I just waited too long
I just waited too long

We just waited too long
Track Name: Jacob Earl & Adam Selene - Ghost Stories Part 2: Sleeping On The Ground
Sleeping pills
Midnight stills
Naked tents
Morning chills

It's not that I don't deserve this
Decisions and such were made
And anyway I told the truth
And fear does not keep me away

It's not to say I sleep so much
As I have cherished my mistakes
And rub the dust into my shoulders
In ornamental display

Sleeping pills
Midnight stills
Naked tents
Morning chills

It's not that I'm not a fan
The starlit sky's adorable
But the not-so-great outdoors differs
When every door's unaffordable

And the path is likely avoidable
But it's trickier to undo
And the stories told bring no comfort
When the ghost of them is you

Sleeping pills
Midnight stills
Naked tents
Morning chills
Track Name: Borealis
Bold constellations
Dripping down your back
I ignited temptations
Hidden in the cracks

Leave behind the valour
You painted years ago
Colours pale and sour
How could you know?

Buried in the sand
Buried in my heart
Hold them in your hand
Galaxies apart

Aurora Borealis
Stars to wish upon
Never superstitious
Til the day you're gone
Track Name: Lessons
Time for a confession
Brains gone bad
Haven't learned my lessons
Lost the will I had

If the politics don't kill me
Maybe the cancer will
The music no longer fills me
But I make it still

Time for a recession
Austerity measures high
Sink into depression
Fuck your will to lie

Maybe you throw in the towel
Maybe you get dry
Maybe lesson's foul
When your heroes die of suicide
When your heroes die of suicide
When your heroes die of suicide

Time to question
All your past mistakes
The last bastion
Of a hypocritical fake

If you ever said I'm sorry
Could I reconcile?
We'd be hunky dory
Living in denial

Time to get some answers
They always come with a price
You died of cancer
That wasn't nice

Maybe there's a God
Maybe I get well
Maybe this path well-trod
Leads us all to Hell

Time for a confession
Brains gone bad
Haven't learned my lessons
I'm just a cad

Time to get some answers
They always come with a price
You died of cancer
That wasn't nice

Time to question
All your past mistakes
The last bastion
Of a hypocritical fake
Track Name: All Dressed
Clockwork soldier
At 6:00 a.m.
Repeat every day
A ritual gem

Twenty years later
Learning to cope
But eighteen earlier
Gave up hope

You layer it on
All of the flavours
But nothing could mask it
No, nothing could mask it
The bland behaviours

Aw, you layer it on
You layer it on
You can taste the memory
But the feeling's gone
The feeling is gone
Track Name: Bronson
Dressed all in black
I'm your biggest fan
Of course I came to see you
I had a master plan

Oh oh
Bronson
Oh oh
Bronson
Oh oh
Bronson
Dear John

I give you my demo
Maybe you hear me play
We record a duet or two
And go on tour someday

Oh oh
Bronson
Oh oh
Bronson
Oh oh
Bronson
Dear John

I would ride your tails
I don't even mind
Even if I failed
That would be just fine

Oh oh
Bronson
Oh oh
Bronson
Oh oh
Bronson
Dear John

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