Cold Hearts, Old Hearts

by Jacob Earl

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

      name your price

     

1.
03:18
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
05:40
7.
03:49
8.
03:43
9.
03:02
10.
01:26

about

Written and recorded in February 2013 as part of the RPM Challenge. A semi-autobiographical shoegaze album about love, travelling, and growing old.

credits

released February 26, 2013

tags

license

about

Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

contact / help

Contact Jacob Earl

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Track Name: Blink
Blink the sleep out of your eyes
you always wake up before sunrise
there's another day closer to death
there's another day gone by

wash the grit from your face
you can't get rid of the taste
the cottonmouth and bile in your throat
the familiar feeling of waste

go to work, sit at your desk
you never get quite enough rest
this is the most you can hope for
inhabiting your body like a guest

Blink the sleep out of your eyes
you always wake up before sunrise
there's another day closer to death
there's another day gone by

wash the grit from your face
you can't get rid of the taste
the cottonmouth and bile in your throat
the familiar feeling you're doing this all again

go to work, pretend you're not there
it's never that hard to disappear
this is just like being a ghost
but you never quite escape the fear

Blink the sleep out of your eyes
you always wake up before sunrise
there's another day closer to death
there's another day gone by
Track Name: Cold Hearts, Old Hearts
the Windsor corridor
speeding countryside
train tracks splitting the trees
in a blur of colour and light

my passenger pal
passed out against the window pane
your breath fogs the fields
i feel your heartbeat so faint

it's the end of an era
half a decade in the dark
and i'm not feeling the February cold
except in my old, old heart

when we reach our destination
i know we're not parting ways
i'm imagining all the train wrecks
all the possible delays

cold hearts
we couldn't stop ourselves from drifting apart
old hearts
youth was leaving us
leaving us is the dark

i see the silos
and your eyes on the window
the crisp snow, the train slows
i won't let you go

please speed up
and takes us to the end of the line
we've come this far together
our old hearts beat in time

cold hearts
we couldn't stop ourselves from drifting apart
old hearts
youth was leaving us
Track Name: George Michael
George
George Michael
maybe i love you
maybe i want you
maybe i lust you

George
George Michael
maybe i love you
maybe i want you
to have faith in what you do

maybe i want your freedom
maybe i want your sex

George
George Michael
you leave me so perplexed

maybe i want your freedom
maybe i want your sex

George
George Michael
you leave me so perplexed
Track Name: Drunk in Reverse
rewind the tape
flip to the b side
it's time to escape

let me take you on one last ride
i'm drunk in reverse
i've always been sober

it's a blessing and it's a curse
i've played this so many times
over and over

my mind is made up
this is the first
and also the last hit

just tell me to shut up
call in the doctor
it's time to finish it

let's head down the 401
out of this city
it's been so long since we've been to Hamilton

the longer, the pity
let's move to the GTA
we'll be closer to everyone

i want every day
to be the most possible
be the most irreversible
Track Name: On the Sleeve
On the sleeve of my shirt
Rests my heart
It's black as tar
Beats cold and dark

The real pain
Is in-between
And inside out
When it can't be seen

Brush it off
Like the dirt on my shoulder
Every year
It gets bitter and older

And here I lay me
Down to sleep
My heart-sleeves soaked
From weeks of weeping

i don't wanna keep
getting colder
please let me
lay on your shoulder

I don't wanna live
Without your love
Please don't brush me
Off the cuff...
Track Name: Off the Cuff
I don't wanna live
Without your love
Please don't brush me
Off the cuff

life's been a dream
since I met you
if it's not what it seems
i don't wanna wake up

every night i hold you
close to my chest
the thump of your heart
is the absolute best

i can never bear
not sharing my bed
with the sound of your breath
next to my head

I don't wanna live
Without your love
Please don't brush me
Off the cuff

I'm twice the person
I used to be
every time
you are close to me

when the bough breaks
behind our back
you're my support
you pick up the slack

I don't wanna think
What I'd have to do
If you didn't have
Everything i lack

I don't wanna live
Without your love
Please don't brush me
Off the cuff

I've made mistakes
and I've made amends
I wanna be happy
Before this ends

every day I spend
without you here
I feel your heartbeat
In my ear

It keeps me warm
when I feel cold
It makes me younger
as I get old

I don't wanna live
Without your love
Please don't brush me
Off the cuff

I'm half the man
I used to fear
The half left over
Is every bit queer

I like me
Better now
I've made mistakes
And you forgive me somehow

I don't wanna think
Who I'd have to be
If you didn't have
A heart for me

I don't wanna live
Without your love
Please don't brush me
Off the cuff

life's been a dream
since I met you
if it's not what it seems
i don't wanna wake up

every night i hold you
close to my chest
the thump of your heart
is the absolute best

i can never bear
not sharing my bed
with the sound of your breath
next to my head

I don't wanna live
Without your love
Please don't brush me
Off the cuff

I'm twice the person
I used to be
every time
you are close to me

when the bough breaks
behind our back
you're my support
you pick up the slack

I don't wanna think
What I'd have to do
If you didn't have
Everything i lack

I don't wanna live
Without your love
Please don't brush me
Off the cuff

I've made mistakes
and I've made amends
I wanna be happy
Before this ends

every day I spend
without you here
I feel your heartbeat
In my ear

It keeps me warm
when I feel cold
It makes me younger
as I get old
Track Name: Ladyfingers
I want to feel your fingers
caressing my spine
so that you know I'm yours
and I know that you're mine

I want to feel your hands
all over my back
love me so hard
that I'm taken aback

I want to be in your grip
every night and day
I want to make love
just for play

but I also want to hold you
so dear and fine
so that you know I'm yours
and I know that you're mine
Track Name: Rabbits
i fell down
this rabbit hole again
sitting in my room
i'm so far from home

i chased you all the way
to this wonderland
now i've lost my way back
and i'm still on my own

a faceless grin
told me it ain't safe 'round here
the atomic clock stopped
rusted up the gears

i chased you all the way
through my dream
you never existed
just like i feared

i chased you all the way
through my dream
you always kept
one step ahead of me

i fell down
this rabbit hole again
lying on my bed
delirious and full of dread

i imagined that we wed
in a chapel
in a valley
of peonies and clover

we adopted
100 million rabbits
bought a cottage
with a white picket fence

i chased you
through this vivid dream
(i chased you, i chased you) you're the only thing
that makes any sense
Track Name: Slip Up
oh baby i slipped up
maybe i took you for granted a bit
oh and i tripped up
let my mouth run off without thinking about it

your anger
your anger was my cold, cold pain
and i tolerated it, i sucked it up
cause i was deserving of it over and over again

oh it was just a joke
but jokes hurt more than cold, hard facts
and so i hurt you
it doesn't matter what i thought, there was a cold, hard lack

a lack of respect...

mea culpa, mea culpa
because this was all my fault
i'm the culprit with the cold heart
and i started this bitter assault

the crazy thing is
i deserved every word you spewed
it's not even crazy
i deserved to get royally chewed out

i slipped up, i slipped up
can you ever forgive me, my dear?
i tripped up, i tripped up
please forgive me, my dear.