GIFTS

by Jacob Earl

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1.
Gifts 04:00
All your precious things Are constantly diminishing Carefully constructed house of cards Decomposing in the yard Seven of cups facing up Gifts not gifts and that's the rub Curse the symbols that got you this home You could never leave well enough alone Rock stardom is the fetishizing of depression No death will ever, ever learn the lesson Gifts are proud, manly scoring sessions Ownership is never questioned Every commodity You traded up for a better scene Humble thoughts are beneath you now You just outgrew them somehow Rock stardom is the fetishizing of depression No death will ever, ever learn the lesson Gifts are proud, manly scoring sessions Ownership is never questioned Absolute trust is something you earn I liked you once but it took a turn The whispering in the Willows told a tale Of a long ago; a forgotten betrayal Temptation led me not to death But a better version of this myth The idealized version of my former self The truth you never wanted to tell Rock stardom is the fetishizing of depression No death will ever, ever learn the lesson Gifts are proud, manly scoring sessions Ownership is never questioned
2.
Molina 03:10
Out in the lonely winter night Snow on the dash, down the Highway 1 Magnolia plays in time with the headlights Home sweet home, here I come It's not in your memories that I dwell The past is like a lioness The past is also Hell Why he called you a tigress Well Hell Hey hey oh Jason You've got a beautiful grace Hey hey what took your place It was just another face You pierced my heart Hope dies with your words It went ratatat And ripped and tossed and surged It never heals though It just rips my guts to pieces I'm on my knees now Just listening; really listening I'm trying to live up to your grace What got you down What took your place Was just another face I write songs about God To get inside your head The words seem so hot-headed I feel so dead There is an answer To every prayer It's just not ever the one you're looking for And it was never really there Nah Hey hey oh Jason You've got a beautiful grace Hey hey what took your place It was just another face It was never a waste Nah
3.
GABA 02:22
Rattle my brain When you're low pressure Chronic pain Just to make it messier GABA receptor Decades epileptic Manic protector Head is hectic There are drugs Can help you with that fuzz Kisses and hugs don't do enough Kisses and hugs don't do enough GABA receptor Leaves you feeling septic Brain nectar Rips out your limbic Dance of the dead Weights and measures Like a drum in the head The pain of pleasure Synaptic fire Federal bureau of death My brain's a liar A Lady Macbeth Rattle my brain My sweet protector Dull pain GABA receptor Do me a favour Hold my head My life-saver At least until I'm dead
4.
Glamour 02:56
Glamour Is work and pain Fruits of your labour One and the same Hunger Is just a game You imagine We are all the same Someone Got better from your sick You were defeated By a horrible trick Money Makes it worse Replaces the wound With a greedy curse Die too soon Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Glamour is just A hot commodity Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Glamour is just A hot commodity Oh drugs Mitigate the pain Paint a functional Temporal refrain Medicine Heals the soul Fending off the ghouls In the black hole Trauma Walked hand in hand You fawned over What you couldn't understand Oh glamour Fills the void You dance with your death And you're still so coy Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Glamour is just A hot commodity Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Piss piss piss Away your hopes and dreams Glamour is just A hot commodity Glamour Is work and pain Fruits of your labour One and the same Hunger Is just a game You imagine We are all the same
5.
Promises, promises The shape of the sky What goes around comes around And all of it is lies Organs and tendons Taught on the strings Spiritual bloodletting Heals but it stings Wanting the Rapture didn't bring it Hope doesn't come just cuz you sing it Promises kept And promises burned They left and I wept and Nothing was learned Orphans and widows and Trapped by Fate We tested our mettle But you can't save the date Wanting the Rapture didn't bring it Hope doesn't come just cuz you sing it
6.
All your sweet love builds Like layers of silt Thicken in my blood 'Til my arteries wilt All the promises not kept Discarded meds The bed where we slept The words we never said All your pieces I hold Creasing thin with my grip Like an origami fold Rubbing on my hips Catches fabric and fabricates Feelings about my fat The pieces of me I hate Every this and that Every this and that I resist the chronic pain Put it in a mental box Waiting for it to wane But it's like a pox I don't want to die But I sit alone and shrink Like a rose, withered and dry Beating blood out of sync
7.
Doggy Dinner 00:34
Instrumental
8.
The Long Nap 02:52
Eating a Happy Meal at Terry Carisse Half an hour before you deceased You were the happiest dog on Earth That's what you deserved That's what you deserved Your bed lies empty on the floor But I still see you curled up like before I can't turn away, I don't want to turn away I wanna go back to yesterday Is there a place we meet again soon You curled up, the little spoon Is Heaven just a name For the ever eternal fetch game The long nap is a twisted road I had to shoulder that load Time for you to sleep, my Bean Time for the forever dream

about

My 47th solo album (I think?). A dark and grieving reflection on giving and receiving.

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released September 9, 2022

Produced, written, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl.

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Jacob Earl Mississippi Mills, Ontario

No Gender. Queer Songs.

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