Had We Met In Another Life

by Jacob Earl

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1.
your brown hair like braided barbwire serrated, hardwired faded, far and too tired you travelled a million miles to watch it stain my skin with my own blood pricked from within my red and celibate twin but i digress and i trust you know the rest the context is new but the story is old the words were stone true before you turned so cold; you are down there, down there feeling so old and quite the sight to behold fingers flexed against the floor carving your initials on the door you painted yourself so poor a portrait relevant no more than i wanted to die... but down on the frozen lake where we spent our winter break a solstice spread out like a dreamscape you still wanted to escape and i wanted only to sustain the lie. so i lie down in the snow where the forgiving branches grow and shield my eyes from the white blinding light far above the slow-moving bough and cawing crow... you made me this way like a light-savings day; falling back in time to escape the crime an hour for every dour-faced lover i betrayed. now enveloped by the ice and snow i finally pay the penance i know i deserve your twin white curves the last thing on my mind when i leave this winter behind for the last time for the last time these frozen lies i don’t describe for the last time...
2.
on the anniversary of your death nothing much remarkable happened to me i felt no immortal breath no whisper of your presence, no sudden spirituality too many years to count have passed me by clear-cutting the memories like a bad disease i stopped resisting it and i don’t know why now i just do whatever i please... had we met in another life maybe the cliché simply wouldn’t apply had we met before the dying age maybe we would still be on the same page on the anniversary of the day we met nothing much happened that i want to talk about i’m not gonna bore you by listing my regrets one more crappy list that’s too long to count i missed you horribly, and couldn’t wait to tell you all about my dreams i momentarily forgot, in the thick of it all, that you were no longer here with me am i the only one who sees the irony here? i should be the missing one i’m the one with the fear had we met in another life i’d admit that you were right right about everything it wasn’t even worth the fight...
3.
before what we call the modern age when the new world was still young and unscathed and our ancestors still lived in caves before we ravaged and made each other slaves it was the closest we came to healing before we even opened the wound once upon a time we had feelings since we carved up this place, we’re all equally doomed and you ask me if i even care truthfully, i don’t even dare it just hurts too much it just hurts too much it just hurts too much... these plains were fertile once before we faced off here with guns i used to lie in the fields just to feel the breeze now i lie with your body, hoping to freeze now i lie with your body, hoping to freeze and you ask me if i even care truthfully, i don’t even dare it just hurts too much it just hurts too much it just hurts too much i don’t even dare it just hurts too much... and i still scream out to no one “you were wrong!” still playing the blame game long after the swan song but nothing will bring you back nothing comes close to forgiving me for this attack the closest we can get is to carve our own headstones so we never forget we were the harbingers of our own demise we willingly believed our own lies and you ask me why i don’t care ask me the right question, i dare you
4.
Pioneers 06:50
she grew up in a small town out east her mother alone, her father deceased she came here to be free she came here to get away from people like me she was just seventeen when i met her on the scene she carried around a fake ID what was I supposed to believe? maybe i wanted to be deceived... we were pioneers to our own demise i willingly believed the lies she gave up and said goodbye i almost drowned in the tears i cried we were soldiers on a barren cold front we were wolves on the final hunt we were cowboys from the wild west heading into our final sunset we were trained to looked the other way we refrained from thinking of yesterday there was nothing left there that we could mend we were pioneers to the end

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4-track serial concept EP released over a span of three months in 2010.

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released January 31, 2010

Produced, written, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl.

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Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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