had we met in another life

by Jacob Earl

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4-track serial concept ep from jacob earl; released over a span of three months in 2010.

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released January 31, 2010

jacob earl

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Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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Track Name: for the last time
your brown hair
like braided barbwire
serrated, hardwired
faded, far and too tired
you travelled a million miles
to watch it stain my skin

with my own blood pricked from within
my red and celibate twin

but i digress
and i trust you know the rest
the context is new
but the story is old
the words were stone true
before you turned so cold;

you are down there, down there
feeling so old
and quite the sight to behold

fingers flexed against the floor
carving your initials on the door
you painted yourself so poor
a portrait relevant no more
than i wanted to die...

but down on the frozen lake
where we spent our winter break
a solstice spread out like a dreamscape
you still wanted to escape
and i wanted only
to sustain the lie.

so i lie down in the snow
where the forgiving branches grow
and shield my eyes
from the white blinding light
far above the slow-moving bough
and cawing crow...

you made me this way
like a light-savings day;
falling back in time
to escape the crime
an hour for every
dour-faced lover i betrayed.

now enveloped by the ice and snow
i finally pay the penance i know
i deserve
your twin white curves
the last thing on my mind
when i leave this winter behind

for the last time
for the last time
these frozen lies i don’t describe
for the last time...
Track Name: had we met in another life
on the anniversary of your death
nothing much remarkable happened to me
i felt no immortal breath
no whisper of your presence, no sudden spirituality

too many years to count have passed me by
clear-cutting the memories like a bad disease
i stopped resisting it and i don’t know why
now i just do whatever i please...

had we met in another life
maybe the cliché simply wouldn’t apply
had we met before the dying age
maybe we would still be on the same page

on the anniversary of the day we met
nothing much happened that i want to talk about
i’m not gonna bore you by listing my regrets
one more crappy list that’s too long to count

i missed you horribly, and couldn’t wait to tell you
all about my dreams
i momentarily forgot, in the thick of it all,
that you were no longer here with me

am i the only one
who sees the irony here?
i should be the missing one
i’m the one with the fear

had we met in another life
i’d admit that you were right
right about everything
it wasn’t even worth the fight...
Track Name: the closest thing to healing
before what we call the modern age
when the new world was still young and unscathed
and our ancestors still lived in caves
before we ravaged and made each other slaves

it was the closest we came to healing
before we even opened the wound
once upon a time we had feelings
since we carved up this place, we’re all equally doomed

and you ask me if i even care
truthfully, i don’t even dare
it just hurts too much
it just hurts too much
it just hurts too much...

these plains were fertile once
before we faced off here with guns
i used to lie in the fields just to feel the breeze
now i lie with your body, hoping to freeze
now i lie with your body, hoping to freeze

and you ask me if i even care
truthfully, i don’t even dare
it just hurts too much
it just hurts too much
it just hurts too much
i don’t even dare
it just hurts too much...

and i still scream out to no one “you were wrong!”
still playing the blame game long after the swan song

but nothing will bring you back
nothing comes close to forgiving me for this attack
the closest we can get
is to carve our own headstones so we never forget

we were the harbingers of our own demise
we willingly believed our own lies
and you ask me why i don’t care
ask me the right question, i dare you
Track Name: pioneers
she grew up in a small town out east
her mother alone, her father deceased
she came here to be free
she came here to get away from people like me

she was just seventeen
when i met her on the scene
she carried around a fake ID
what was I supposed to believe?
maybe i wanted to be deceived...

we were pioneers to our own demise
i willingly believed the lies
she gave up and said goodbye
i almost drowned in the tears i cried

we were soldiers on a barren cold front
we were wolves on the final hunt
we were cowboys from the wild west
heading into our final sunset

we were trained to looked the other way
we refrained from thinking of yesterday
there was nothing left there that we could mend
we were pioneers to the end