In Reel Time

by Jacob Earl

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1.
02:16
2.
seasons followed one another we always swallowed one another no matter how big the lie I’m doing dishes with your mother I’m moving furniture for your father no matter how hard I try I couldn't sew the tear together if I wanted to even in the moments of disorder, I still wanted to... I did, oh and we were standing at the bottom we were all tightly knit together and bit by bit you all disappeared and reason came to replace passion oh, and you got obsessed with the fashion and colour turned to black and white you're out of focus and receding oh, and this film is proceeding with or without the dialogue I write I couldn't put the moments in order if I wanted to and even in the moment of disorder, I still wanted you... I did and we were standing at the bottom we were all tightly knit together and bit by bit you all disappeared from the picture and oh how I missed you oh oh and oh how I missed you oh oh I couldn't sew the moment together if I wanted to and even in the moment of disorder, I still wanted you.. I did
3.
04:03
I tend to keep shut, despite not shutting up not that you notice the difference between soft and tough it’s often tough if I came down hard on you all I had was a card or two and I showed my hand too early to bluff haven’t been quite candid enough keep shut without shutting up let me out without giving up keep shut without shutting up without giving up well I opened up and nothing came out I tipped the cup missed tapping the spout and I came on soft keeping shut too shut, too shut off but I didn’t shut up when it mattered most when we were actually close keep shut without shutting up let me out without giving up keep shut without shutting up let me out oh, don’t give up
4.
04:20
I never even had an interest in settling down until I met you I didn’t know if it was a good idea to let you in; nevertheless, I let you in the interest of being amicable I vote we put the past behind us see all those despicable little details they nitpicked us and lied to us in the interest of tracing the steps back to the root of the problem we investigated far too deeply in the bottom our inner demons they tore us apart I thought I was close but I was so far we exorcised our demons, whether or not we mean it In the interest of healing, let us close the wound now that it is treated there is only one thing I miss my interest in you won’t diminish in the interest of putting an end to it I plead we reconcile this argument you stand there with hands on hips eyes locked to mine and pursed lips if you wanted to read me now would be – in the interest of honesty – perfect timing as I lay my heart on my sleeve I’m an open book in the interest of not being overlooked these crazy ideas you cooked up that there was something amiss and you mistook my cowardice for animosity my comma splice for a pause-too-long atrocity in the interest of avoiding surcharges, we always rode economy there is only one thing I miss my interest in you won’t diminish I never was very interested in wearing a crown the burden of ruling upright left me down with frown in the interest of packing the room with an agreeable crowd I suggest we top the drinks with another free round everyon’e got their pace and you had yours I've got my price; I paid it at least twice before I learned you were in too deep to deny but in the interest of honesty, I honestly don’t know why I said those things that made you cry there is only one thing I miss my interest in you won’t diminish
5.
traced across the time we had the time of our lives; too bad that we forged a friendship on lies just to survive. and we became enemies much the same way I see the same way each time that you fucked each my wives allegory, my dearest friend we are nearing our fearful end in all its gory detail traced in this crescendo for the fourth and final time you asked “what was my crime?” your crime was betrayal and in the end, so was mine so here, now, separated by many miles and years later your actions still desperate; still the heart of a traitor. how you thought you got the best in your bedroom conquests but friend or enemy, I was first, and you a mere guest: an allegory of no consequence and that is the true test flattering me is all that’s left; you fucked up all the rest. traced across the time we had I tried to make good of the bad Our crumbled crust Because you must have read the dust It said we were over In the way its film lay over All the memories we shared And my feelings you never cared about Allegory, my dearest friend You have always set the trend And made a mockery song Of the things I always longed for You told me I deserved it Maybe true, but the curve ball You threw, wasn’t deserved by any And least of all by me So here it ends, on the page A last fuck you in rage Your apologies somewhat hollow And me not willing to swallow Maybe one day it will come Regret for something you’ve done And we can bury the hatchet But for now I’d rather trash it The allegory in the end Is what became of my friend When he betrayed my love And made me what I’ve become.
6.
09:01
far across the country sleeping in a summer guest bed I was dreaming wishful wonders the heat gone to my head a walk-on part I was granted blurry, but in reel time stop-motion enough to see every detail play out like the scene of a crime there was no Cary Grant no Humphrey Bogart no John Wayne to teach me Texas hold’em but I got a backstage nod From the awesome Aesop Rock And a collaborative offer from Will Oldham Aes made me postcards Montages of words And images from magazines Appropriate and absurd Billy was constructive; critiqued my production but gave props to my licks and clever sound tricks the Duke won’t make a comeback he’s not playing blackjack with Elvis and Tupac on a desert isle but he’s always there in reel time just press rewind and play the tape over again like a dream that’ll never end.
7.
07:36
a week across the continent I wiped the slate clean to the desert I came and went like a whitewashed dream on Casa Blanca road to Sonora I daydreamt back six years ago and what I didn’t have anymore for all the fears I didn’t know oh I knew I’d come back full circle to you to amend the facts finally show you who I was and who I am a troubled but truthful man a highway through the dustdevils a denim lapis ring dirty, muddy, sweaty, disheveled anticipation made me sing perfect moments & sleep be damned quoted back until I sank into your waiting hands eased down the road to Casa Blanca oh I knew I’d come back full circle to you to amend the facts finally show you who I was and who I am a troubled but truthful man
8.
03:15
what did it get you then? soot-stained asshole at the top of the heap a war on a sister religion from the tyrant of terror, the commander-in-chief get away, blackbreech we’re all so sick of your smug smoke and mirrors stop your hatespeech your surge of soldiers ain’t saviours or heroes who are you fooling? sitting safely ‘cross the ocean in a white stronghold do you think that we truly believe that this is not about black gold? eight years of plunder and lies our fate sealed under blood red skies like a smeared empty promise of rebuilding rebuilding nothing, we’re too busy killing why did you do it to kin? your sires straight into the fires trampling down civilians so no one is left to call you the liar? get away, blackbreech i know the name of hypocrisy it’s an anagram of our treatment O’ He Buggers with a capital B
9.
we faced off in the snow eyes locked together we faced off in the snow locked in a stare we faced off in the snow eyes locked together we faced off in the snow eyes locked together… we’re still half students, we’re still surviving and living with hand-me-downs we have a gift for knowing how to enjoy and not to drown is it in our bones perhaps our hearts they were in the right place they grew too big right from the start we both run the race we have come here we were drawn together though our pasts both fell apart we are grownup children of a modern day failed art we repeat the past magnified through the looking glass we are the reason we failed we’re proud of being crass it is in our hearts to reach out for a love that sped up right from the start we both run the race we have come here we were drawn together we held each other up for courage we are grownup children of a modern day failed marriages… of a modern day failed marriages… we face each other our eyes are locked together I come from the land of fear and snow waving our thoughts to and fro’ I’ve got a glass You’ve got a drink Let’s get together and sink Into ourselves We are not the past We are looking ahead Not behind us Too the future instead What will become of Our lives It’s to hard to say We don’t know What we have today Is all we’ve got to go on we have come here we were drawn together we held each other up for courage we are grownup children of a modern day failed marriages… is it in our bones perhaps our hearts they were in the right place they grew too big right from the start we both run the race we both run the race we stand here face to face eyes locked together face to face
10.
03:37
skies in the marketplace gold and blue streaked by the jet planes shopping on Saturdays fresh fruit wooden stalls friendly hellos cheap peaches ’n’ cream and strawberries sell out Whisper in my ear: “Let’s go have a beer and plan our vacation To the north west territories, You and me On the Dawson highway; me riding shot, and the A/C’s busted so it’s a little too hot…” but we don’t care we’re on vacation out here no we don’t care we’re on vacation out here fries and gravy from the casse croute speeding down the highway we are in pursuit just heading forward nowhere in particular maybe somewhere we can’t go in our car you and me on a desert savannah the moon and the wolf and nothing else this is heart beating one between us this is where I found myself ‘cause we don’t care we’re on vacation out here
11.
“leave behind the world you know,” said the fox to the crow “ride the red fur atop my back; i promise you will not be attacked.” “leave behind the world you know,” said the gangster to his bro “you can trade impoverished shame for fifteen minutes of glorious fame.” if it’s all the same to you i’ll watch while you cut the deck i’m not saying that I don’t trust you; you’d do it too if it was your neck “leave behind the people you’ve been” said the president to all his men “i have relieved you of your sin; you walk away, my solemn pardon.” “leave behind the cyan blue sky,” said the spider to the fly; “climb the web into my breast; i’ll take care of all the rest.”
12.
before you go I wanted to tell you that I have loved you so tell you though you already knew it’s how we blossomed how we grew together the unspoken truth that lay between us was both the wedge and the glue pried us apart and kept us tight ‘til there was nothing else to do but fight still I am not your enemy will you be there for me? I am here for you before you go I wanted to tell you this is how we grow we learn our lessons in the hardest ways it’s how we learn but not regret, it was no mistake before you go don’t forget me before you go don’t regret me before you go don’t resent me before you go just let me say “I know… I’ll always be here ‘cause I know you.

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Originally released in December 2007, and remixed and remastered August-September 2018. A concept album about the convergence of art and life.

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released December 4, 2007

Produced, written, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl.

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Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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