Make Believe

by Jacob Earl

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1.
Chop Chop 03:18
chop chop cut up shine your boots you ain’t moving fast enough my millions of troops book ‘em, book ‘em look left, look right this is classified loose lips sink ships keep ‘em shut, keep ‘em tight or you too will fry chop chop cut up shine your boots you ain’t moving fast enough my millions of troops chop chop make a ruckus clean the muck up sweep it under the rug, see? no more ugly. hook ‘em, hook ‘em line and sinker this is not a test your enemy, the thinker; make ‘em think, make ‘em think they have bested you. chop chop cut up shine your boots you ain’t moving fast enough my millions of troops chop chop cut up and shut up.
2.
Human Need 02:55
i cannot compete with the position you represent no suitable weapon equals the strength of my resentment in the hordes of hatred, i seek solidarity i was raised to love mankind, and cannot reconcile the disparity now i’m having a monumental writer’s block of ire i’m online and fair-on-high while 451 pages are on fire committing this moment to ink and sheet within this book and i stand on my own two feet, here, have a look oh biting at the bit ‘til you bleed grinding at the gums with anxiety violence only begets violence and this is the inherent human need, apathy it doesn’t matter that i have two feet and ten toes two hands and ten fingers just like you your father told you to stay away from lobos and i’m the worst kind of wolf, it’s true i’m on a soapbox built of shit clean yet dirty in the mouth and mind if i can’t win you back now, this is it my last testament to the need of humankind oh biting at the bit ‘til you bleed grinding at the gums with anxiety love will breed love and this is the inherent human need, understanding and empathy.
3.
Thirty 04:20
what do i know? i’m three decades old i have not grown i’m still a child i cry myself to sleep when i am alone turnabout watch the time don’t misunderstand this isn’t the end it is the beginning, take my hand try as i may i have not learned all the lessons yet i am undressed i do not always want what i get turnabout watch the time don’t misunderstand this isn’t the end it is the beginning, take my hand
4.
Make Believe 06:28
once upon a time a long time ago i thought I had the words that would stop you from letting me go it was all just make believe and the past words I echo in my wildest fantasies you never changed your plans for me will this mask that you’re wearing ever come off and show your caring? open up and show me what you hide inside in this city of dreams you are my guide it was all just make believe and the truth it haunts us both you and me we’re hardwired in your fantasies we tried to aspire to be everything it was all just make believe it was all just make believe
5.
on blue mountain atop the black diamond surrounded by white highlands cheeks swelled pink and eyes red we puffed green for courage instead we carved like it was turkey dinner fearless that we be delivered to the bottom safe and sound and where are you now? it’s getting cold as it gets dark and the floodlights are down they’re closing up the park for the night you’re nowhere in site the colours you showed me have all turned to shades of grey i’m living life, but only living it day to day on blue mountain atop the black diamond we shared a moment locked in time like a thief in the night high on life and so many years we paid the price it’s getting cold as it gets dark and the curtains are drawn they’re closing up the house for the season have I got any more reason to stick around here? the colours you showed me have all turned to shades of grey i’m living life but only day to day
6.
i always get burned when I lay hands on you yer always heated you would rip me in two i get so angry missing your touch my mistress more distress that you don’t miss me that much i’m just a soldier an arm’s length from you i ain’t no saviour i was just passing through you changed direction who’s at the wheel? you want what you don’t get but don’t get what you feel what is this war we live under the covers? were we not friends? we were once known as lovers now the time we spend bitter and cold will fuel us when we’re old, it’s our bitter reward
7.
Sweet Reward 03:38
this is dreaming wide asleep at the helm the solipsist feeling designed to overwhelm private and proprietary keep it a secret knowledge will make you weary i don’t want it, you keep it this is wide awake a sunburn on the face a waitress wearing lace i don’t feel it this sweet reward you worked hard for it sold your heart out ignored and cursed it this sweet reward this sweet reward.
8.
The Fog 02:06
i am an old soul connected to you by a new goal that’s how I used to feel recaptured with the four-track reel that old feeling caught up dreaming i’m all on analogue the choral part is our dialogue i cannot close it to a monologue i wouldn’t want that so lift me out of the fog… all you heretics screaming politics your dirty rhetoric tying up old loose ends with cold loose lips a tightened noose on the neck of the media kidnapped on a tourist trap-trip i’m all on analogue the choral part is our dialogue i cannot close it to a monologue i wouldn’t want that so lift me out of this fog.
9.
doubt is my Damocles my Achilles heel my nemesis deep in my family i feel it stays with us it has not got me but i have not escaped it yet try as i may to be invisible und unrelenting if it’s good just say so just say so i will believe just this once if you don’t go doubt is my fishing line lost at sea out on the ocean wishing to meet a sea serpent speaking to me of a magic love potion if it’s good just say so just say so i will believe just this once if you don’t go
10.
Well 06:56
no i didn't say that you put those words right in my mouth and then ripped them out again waved them around for all to see... you say "i didn't start this" i say "i didn't start this" it seems nobody started this it just welled up it just welled up... from somewhere inside we walked out early the party still went on the lights left tracers on the highway until dawn you say "i didn't start this" i say "i didn't start this" it seems nobody started this it just welled up it just welled up... from somewhere inside from somewhere inside hush... Ok the eyes are taking over read between the lines i try to find your face in the dark we're doing fine, we're doing fine you say "i didn't start this" i say "i didn't start this" it seems nobody started this it just welled up it just welled up... from somewhere inside on my stereo disco mixer the sounds come out all wrong interpreted for a reason sounds make me feel strong you're feeling strong we can't go on for long...
11.
Fluid Hazard 04:37
you cried a river over my shoulder i was drenched in tears a fluid hazard and I tried to make it better a dab at a time i was washed out to sea in a wave of why’s i have no answers to your pleas of why I won’t go i cling to a raft on this ocean of the unknown you cried a river over my shoulder i was drenched in tears a fluid hazard what attracted me hasn’t disappeared.
12.
you’re not bleeding you have no visible scars but you are screaming bloody murder at the top of your lungs your protests fall on dead ears your second guesses belie what you have done let’s get ready to paint the town red you may die, you may improve your street-cred you’re not crying behind the bullet-proof glass you are laughing at the fray on the other side your contempt is plain upon your face it’s something your shit-eating grin could never hide let’s get ready to paint the town red you may kill, you may end up dead you’re not pleading with the powers that be you’re in the cockpit at the helm and crosshairs what does policy matter versus might? you stand and fight who cares what’s right or fair? let’s get ready to paint the town red you may find you have been misled.
13.
the lights flickered and then went out again i felt the heat close but did not see it coming when… you pressed your lips to my cheek and pulled me close i slid my hand across your thigh and thought that I had overdosed… i am not dreaming this is what we will fight about tomorrow there will be no screaming just a silence so thick it equals sorrow. i don’t regret last night or other times we caved and though I hate to fight it is the effect of what I crave… in the aftermath painted a different shade to pretend indifference but i don’t lie in the bed you made… i am not dreaming this is well worth fighting for tomorrow there will be no screaming i don’t want you to know my sorrow.

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Originally released in 2007. Remastered with new album art, 2018.

Concept album about the fiction and lies we create to deal with the loss of loved ones.

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released June 17, 2007

Produced, composed, arranged, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl.

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Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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