Make Believe

by Jacob Earl

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about

Originally released in 2007. Remastered with new album art, 2018.

Concept album about the fiction and lies we create to deal with the loss of loved ones.

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released June 17, 2007

Produced, composed, arranged, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl.

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Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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Track Name: Chop Chop
chop chop
cut up
shine your boots
you ain’t moving fast enough
my millions of troops

book ‘em, book ‘em
look left, look right
this is classified
loose lips
sink ships
keep ‘em shut, keep ‘em tight or
you too will fry

chop chop
cut up
shine your boots
you ain’t moving fast enough
my millions of troops
chop chop
make a ruckus
clean the muck up
sweep it under the rug, see?
no more ugly.

hook ‘em, hook ‘em
line and sinker
this is not a test
your enemy,
the thinker;
make ‘em think, make ‘em think
they have bested you.

chop chop
cut up
shine your boots
you ain’t moving fast enough
my millions of troops
chop chop
cut up
and shut up.
Track Name: Human Need
i cannot compete with the position you represent
no suitable weapon equals the strength of my resentment
in the hordes of hatred, i seek solidarity
i was raised to love mankind, and cannot reconcile the disparity

now i’m having a monumental writer’s block of ire
i’m online and fair-on-high while 451 pages are on fire
committing this moment to ink and sheet within this book
and i stand on my own two feet, here, have a look

oh biting at the bit ‘til you bleed
grinding at the gums with anxiety
violence only begets violence
and this is the inherent human need, apathy

it doesn’t matter that i have two feet and ten toes
two hands and ten fingers just like you
your father told you to stay away from lobos
and i’m the worst kind of wolf, it’s true

i’m on a soapbox built of shit
clean yet dirty in the mouth and mind
if i can’t win you back now, this is it
my last testament to the need of humankind

oh biting at the bit ‘til you bleed
grinding at the gums with anxiety
love will breed love
and this is the inherent human need,
understanding and empathy.
Track Name: Thirty
what do i know?
i’m three decades old
i have not grown
i’m still a child
i cry myself to sleep
when i am alone

turnabout
watch the time
don’t misunderstand
this isn’t the end
it is the beginning, take my hand

try as i may
i have not learned
all the lessons yet
i am undressed
i do not always want
what i get

turnabout
watch the time
don’t misunderstand
this isn’t the end
it is the beginning, take my hand
Track Name: Make Believe
once upon a time
a long time ago
i thought I had the words
that would stop you from
letting me go

it was all just make believe
and the past words I echo
in my wildest fantasies
you never changed
your plans for me

will this mask
that you’re wearing
ever come off and
show your caring?

open up and show me
what you hide inside
in this city of dreams
you are my guide

it was all just make believe
and the truth it haunts
us both
you and me
we’re hardwired
in your fantasies
we tried to aspire

to be
everything
it was all just make believe
it was all just make believe
Track Name: Blue Mountain
on blue mountain
atop the black diamond
surrounded by white highlands
cheeks swelled pink and eyes red
we puffed green for courage instead

we carved like it was turkey dinner
fearless that we be delivered
to the bottom safe and sound
and where are you now?

it’s getting cold as it gets dark
and the floodlights are down
they’re closing up the park for the night
you’re nowhere in site

the colours you showed me
have all turned to shades of grey
i’m living life, but only living it day to day

on blue mountain
atop the black diamond
we shared a moment locked in time
like a thief in the night high on life
and so many years we paid the price

it’s getting cold as it gets dark
and the curtains are drawn
they’re closing up the house for the season
have I got any more reason to stick around here?

the colours you showed me
have all turned to shades of grey
i’m living life but only day to day
Track Name: Bitter Reward
i always get burned
when I lay hands on you
yer always heated
you would rip me in two
i get so angry
missing your touch
my mistress more distress
that you don’t miss me that much

i’m just a soldier
an arm’s length from you
i ain’t no saviour
i was just passing through
you changed direction
who’s at the wheel?
you want what you don’t get
but don’t get what you feel

what is this war we live
under the covers?
were we not friends?
we were once known as lovers
now the time we spend
bitter and cold
will fuel us when we’re old,
it’s our bitter reward
Track Name: Sweet Reward
this is dreaming
wide asleep at the helm
the solipsist feeling
designed to overwhelm

private and proprietary
keep it a secret
knowledge will make you weary
i don’t want it, you keep it

this is wide awake
a sunburn on the face
a waitress wearing lace
i don’t feel it

this sweet reward
you worked hard
for it
sold your heart out
ignored and
cursed it

this sweet reward
this sweet reward.
Track Name: The Fog
i am an old soul
connected to you
by a new goal
that’s how I used to feel
recaptured with
the four-track reel
that old feeling
caught up dreaming

i’m all on analogue
the choral part
is our dialogue
i cannot close it
to a monologue
i wouldn’t want that
so lift me out of the fog…

all you heretics
screaming politics
your dirty rhetoric
tying up old loose ends
with cold loose lips
a tightened noose
on the neck of the media
kidnapped on a tourist trap-trip

i’m all on analogue
the choral part
is our dialogue
i cannot close it
to a monologue
i wouldn’t want that
so lift me out of this fog.
Track Name: Doubt is my Damocles
doubt is my Damocles
my Achilles heel
my nemesis
deep in my family
i feel
it stays with us

it has not got me
but i have not
escaped it yet
try as i may to be
invisible
und unrelenting

if it’s good
just say so just say so
i will believe
just this once if you don’t go

doubt is my fishing line
lost at sea
out on the ocean
wishing to meet a sea serpent
speaking to me
of a magic love potion

if it’s good
just say so just say so
i will believe
just this once if you don’t go
Track Name: Well
no i didn't say that
you put those words right in my mouth
and then ripped them out again
waved them around for all to see...

you say "i didn't start this"
i say "i didn't start this"
it seems nobody started this
it just welled up
it just welled up...
from somewhere inside

we walked out early
the party still went on
the lights left tracers
on the highway until dawn

you say "i didn't start this"
i say "i didn't start this"
it seems nobody started this
it just welled up
it just welled up...
from somewhere inside
from somewhere inside

hush...

Ok the eyes are taking over
read between the lines
i try to find your face in the dark
we're doing fine, we're doing fine

you say "i didn't start this"
i say "i didn't start this"
it seems nobody started this
it just welled up
it just welled up...
from somewhere inside

on my stereo disco mixer
the sounds come out all wrong
interpreted for a reason
sounds make me feel strong

you're feeling strong
we can't go on for long...
Track Name: Fluid Hazard
you cried a river
over my shoulder
i was drenched in tears

a fluid hazard
and I tried to make it better
a dab at a time

i was washed
out to sea
in a wave of why’s

i have no answers
to your pleas
of why I won’t go

i cling to a raft
on this ocean
of the unknown

you cried a river
over my shoulder
i was drenched in tears

a fluid hazard
what attracted me
hasn’t disappeared.
Track Name: Author of Authority
you’re not bleeding
you have no visible scars
but you are screaming
bloody murder
at the top of your lungs
your protests
fall on dead ears
your second guesses
belie what you have done

let’s get ready to paint the town red
you may die, you may improve your street-cred

you’re not crying
behind the bullet-proof glass
you are laughing
at the fray
on the other side
your contempt
is plain upon your face
it’s something your shit-eating
grin could never hide

let’s get ready to paint the town red
you may kill, you may end up dead

you’re not pleading
with the powers that be
you’re in the cockpit
at the helm
and crosshairs
what does policy
matter versus might?
you stand
and fight
who cares what’s right or fair?

let’s get ready to paint the town red
you may find you have been misled.
Track Name: In the Aftermath
the lights flickered
and then went out again
i felt the heat close
but did not see it coming when…

you pressed your lips to my
cheek and pulled me close
i slid my hand across your thigh
and thought that I had overdosed…

i am not dreaming
this is what we will
fight about tomorrow
there will be no screaming
just a silence so thick
it equals sorrow.

i don’t regret last night
or other times we caved
and though I hate to fight
it is the effect of what I crave…

in the aftermath
painted a different shade
to pretend indifference
but i don’t lie in the bed you made…

i am not dreaming
this is well worth
fighting for tomorrow
there will be no screaming
i don’t want you
to know my sorrow.

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