an anagram. that is all i am. a hollow shell of a man; a thick coat of veneer painted overtop of cheap plyboard, chipping away slowly as the years grind by. i think i used to have a meaning and purpose. i grew up with that sense of value and worth. but it's not here anymore, and i'm not sure when i lost it or where it went. what's left over is a mixed-up version of what i used to be.
i don't feel connected to anybody, and it hurts. i hate myself for it, but i also hate all of you. why do you all look at me with such disdain, as though i have let you down? what do i owe you, anyway? i tried my best. i tried to fit in. my family, my friends, they were false. fakes. i had to leave them behind. start over, start a brand new life, re-invent myself. this is the new and improved me.
i may be alone, i may be an empty husk, but i am strong, i am powerful, and i pity you all, your mores and values. fuck you. you're no better than i.
i have a story to tell you, and it's not a pretty one. it's a story of lust and betrayal, and loss. you say that sounds cliché, but i've got some surprises for you. stick around to watch the story unfold, and you will see. this is just the introduction. you ain't seen nothin' yet.
i'm gonna lay it all out for you. i'm gonna tell you with pictures, with words, and with sounds. you will feel the full onslaught of my genius, and you will know the truth; it will blind you and set you free all at once. you are rolling your eyes, you think i'm grandstanding, you think i'm crazy... but you will see...
lyrics
i’m trying to reconcile our disconnects
i love you so much i get side effects
no gain comes without a sacrifice
no pain matters when i look in your eyes
the shadows stirring in the depths of your stare
the nape of your neck, a lock of your hair
i’m not really myself when you’re not around
i’m a record player, playing no sound
i am a digital divide
i just came along for the ride
scrambled bits, forgotten crime
left to rust, rotten in the ditch of time
the fact that i can say this to your face
doesn’t remove the bitter taste
of slowly flickering away
the last lingering light of a slow-dying day
there’s not so much more self-control
when i slid on down the rabbit hole
the tides came in as i lay on the shore
and i slipped out to see on the underscore
the notes hung together like sun and moon
the refrain tripped up a beat too soon
if i hadn’t guessed, i wouldn’t have known
that your heart had long since turned to stone
don’t want you to misunderstand
why it is i forced your hand
it hurts me more than you could know
that i’ve got nothing left to show
i’m just an empty husk of a man
a jumbled word, an anagram
if there’s a way that we can weather
then help me put us back together
oh my stars i am in love
with you, it hurts, it hurts so much
the feeling cuts me like a knife
a cliché bryan adams line
you think i wanted it this way
but what i feel i cannot say
i fear i’ll always be the same
afraid to jump into the game
maybe that’s why i never change
even to me it’s a little strange
i’m metaphorically paralyzed
it’s my emotional disguise
so please forgive me all my vice
don’t make me beg you once or twice
i’m trying to do what i can
to be more than an anagram
The Chicago wunderkind's debut album is half lo-fi hip-hop pianos and breakneck drumming, half polished pop songs full of orchestral arrangements and whimsical but melancholic melodies. Bandcamp Album of the Day Nov 23, 2020
A haunting, beautiful, autobiographical record that uses samples of old gospel records to wrestle with faith and unbelief. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 2, 2021
Dizzying psychedelic songs that feel like they're being played at the bottom of a deep canyon, drenched in reverb & echo. Bandcamp New & Notable Dec 11, 2022
