Bad Behaviour

from I Disappear In The City by Jacob Earl

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lyrics

Blah blah blah
You're bored of my flaws
Blah blah blah
You're bored of my flaws
Blah blah blah
You're bored of my flaws
Blah blah blah
You're bored of my flaws

I ignored
The well-informed
For years in favour
Of my own bad behaviour

I treated wit
With pure bullshit
I made mistakes
Cuz my heart it bloody ached

My pain was my saviour
I revelled in disdain
And I cheated and I faked and
Blamed others for the pain

This was a habit
I never quite broke
But it broke me down enough
Til I listened when you spoke

Learning to call myself in
Leaning into the spill
I judged your sin
I swallowed that pill

I explored
This well-trod argument before
It's my permanent neighbour
Depressing bad behaviour

The winter made me darker
And I pushed myself farther
A time-honoured tradition
Of breaking inhibitions

I smoked dope
I learned all the ropes
I made you look on
While I severed all my bonds

It's a never-ending cycle
I could never fight it though
I shut down all sensation
To avoid confrontation

Learning to call myself in
Leaning into the spill
I judged your sin
I swallowed that pill

A piss-poor attempt
At keeping myself kempt
I ended in disaster
That you picked up after

I repeated mistakes
Just for habitual sakes
For the feeling it gives me
To feel used and flimsy

A ghost in a suit
Mostly not taking root
Cuz it's clever to drift
And too much effort to lift

But I finally changed
Maybe too little too late
You gave me reason
To stop self-deceiving

Learning to call myself in
Leaning into the spill
I judged your sin
I swallowed that pill

Blah blah blahs
You're bored of my flaws
They long-since outweighed
The good points that I made

I cleaned up my act
But I still lacked
The common sense
To get off the fence

The indecision
Nothing came to fruition
Cuz I waffled too long
While it all went wrong

I ignored
The well-informed
For years in favour
Of my own bad behaviour

Learning to call myself in
Leaning into the spill
I judged your sin
I swallowed that pill

credits

from I Disappear In The City, released March 22, 2019

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Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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