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about

The feeling of anxiety eating you up inside.

lyrics

I dreamt
That I was a Beach Boy
And we were singing
Bar-Barbara Ann

But I woke up cold
In a silent home
A singer without a band

I'm an ally I swear
I lost all of my hair
Worrying til I puked up blood

I lay on the floor
Waiting for the seizure
Thru years of leisure and love

My therapist says
She shares my values
That I can't even define

My larynx swells
When she says "how are you?"
I always reply, "doing fine"

Bawling til my guts bled
I can't get out of bed
I don't even have an excuse

I swear that I'm not lying
I swear that I'm not crying
At this point I lose my breath
At this point I'm out of my depth

Privilege drenches me
Til I'm hot and sweaty
And never have to face the truth

The lament of a fruit
Who's never been bruised
At least not where it counts

Safe to fight back
Mount a counter-attack
Attack a counter amount

My therapist says
I'm intolerant of uncertainty
I'm certain she's correct

All I can rely upon
I lock up and I siphon
Til there's no certainty left

Bawling til my guts bled
All the fears that I dread
I just can't justify

Halfway adept
Halfway to death
I just can't close my eyes

I swear that I'm not lying
I swear that I'm not crying
At this point I lose my breath
At this point I'm out of my depth

Bawling til my guts bled
All the things that I said
I just want to get by

credits

from If The Dust Was Your Feelings, I Guess I Was On My Own, released June 18, 2018

license

all rights reserved

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about

Jacob Earl image

Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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