For The Record

from Fadboi Blues by Jacob Earl

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When you lose your cool.


I fucking put the record on
I fucking drop the needle
I fucking feel the beat begin
I fucking close my eyes

I fucking sit down again
I sink into my head
I put my other thoughts away
I want to fucking cry

The music fills me up again
This is the only cure
I fucking hate how this works
I wanna get out of my head

There is no break or chorus
It's all the fucking same
A weekly repetition
One day I'll just be dead

That just ain't fucking good enough
I want some fucking closure
Some peace, for the record
Something with fucking heart

Maybe I don't deserve it
Maybe no one does
I hate spinning in circles
I want a fresh start

The beat, it slowly peters out
The scratchy static starts
It's time to flip the record
It's been so fucking long

I sit here, eyes closed
I'll fucking die alone
Let's say, that's my assumption
Let's say, please prove me wrong


from Fadboi Blues, released February 28, 2020


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Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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