Fadboi Blues

by Jacob Earl

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1.
Drops drops drops Of Desperation Drops drops drops Of Desperation Headed to the woods In a storm Headed to the lake Drops drops drops Headed to the woods Gonna be a hermit Headed to the lake In a storm Drops drops drops Of Desperation Drops drops drops Of Desperation
2.
Maybe I'm just a bootlicker now But baby I just wanna flicker out It's five to ten on a Sunday night I'm lying in bed, dead tired Maybe I just wanna dance now But not sure what would break it down This anhedonia; work or play I'd rather sleep the day away Sadboi Dancer Mood enhancer Fadboi Blues In my dancing shoes Maybe I'm just a shit kicker now But baby I'm not sure, not sure how I reached the point of no return Maybe it's cuz I have no sperm Maybe this is better solved With pain pills, mouth-dissolved Depression knocking at my door Take me to the dance floor Sadboi Dancer Mood enhancer Fadboi Blues In my dancing shoes
3.
04:08
If yr Queer and you know it Sing the blues If yr Queer and you know it Sing the blues You pop a pill And smoke to chill And maybe just Swipe left until Yr Queer and you know it Sing the blues Yr Queer and you know it Sing the blues How can you have Love to give Some days it's an effort Just to live Drag yourself From home to work At night the Internet you lurk If yr Queer and you know it Sing the blues If yr Queer and you know it Sing the blues
4.
I had a dream A filthy little dream The men in churches Filthy little queens The paranoia Sliced really lean The pigs all wrapped in Polyethylene I had the blues The blues, the blues I had the oranges Green ones too Who did you do it Do it, do it to? Just tell me, tell me, tell me Two plus two You will drown No one else around Blame yourself Blow it down You'll drown You hypocrite You piece of shit You dirty liar too I bought your wit You're a wolf, disguised it Almost too good You even believed it You were out for blood Hail, hail, hail Bow to the chief You're the first to fail Ghost with teeth You dirty little liar Yr weak in the knees Bully in grade school Spelling Bees You dirty little liar Yr weak in the knees I had the blues I had the oranges And green ones too Who did you do it Do it, do it to? Just tell me, tell me, tell me Two plus two You will drown No one else around Blame yourself Blow it down You'll drown
5.
03:46
The only thing cheers me up The internet of things Computer in my pocket Living like Kings The only thing cheers me up Getting into bed Computer in my hand Composing 'til I'm dead The only thing creeping me Creeping me Internude The only thing keeping me Keeping me It's you, it's you The only thing gets me up The only one I can afford Lying high and nude, dear Singing My Sweet Lord Sparsely decorated Tastefully art Flashes, hot flashes Just desserts The only thing creeping me Creeping me Internude The only thing keeping me Keeping me It's you, it's you
6.
I fucking put the record on I fucking drop the needle I fucking feel the beat begin I fucking close my eyes I fucking sit down again I sink into my head I put my other thoughts away I want to fucking cry The music fills me up again This is the only cure I fucking hate how this works I wanna get out of my head There is no break or chorus It's all the fucking same A weekly repetition One day I'll just be dead That just ain't fucking good enough I want some fucking closure Some peace, for the record Something with fucking heart Maybe I don't deserve it Maybe no one does I hate spinning in circles I want a fresh start The beat, it slowly peters out The scratchy static starts It's time to flip the record It's been so fucking long I sit here, eyes closed I'll fucking die alone Let's say, that's my assumption Let's say, please prove me wrong
7.
02:50
Everybody stop pretending That fat is a sin And food a reward Everybody lending To the bank of lies The lies are yr Lord Everybody always sending The message is stark The meaning is lost Everybody depending On dreams in the dark The solipsist cost I was never pretending It was ever good times I just had to put a mask on To read between the lines Everybody stop pretending That money is a measure Of worth I ain't offended yet But I ain't the one Diggin in the dirt Everybody brass knuckles Got yr hackles up Back against the wall It pays to be fucking paranoid Pretending the worst Expecting the fall I was never pretending It was ever good times I just had to put a mask on To read between the lines
8.
03:37
Dig in friends Dig your heels Big split ends Big shit feels You built a house Of clay and stone You built four walls You call it home You built a fragile House of bones You named it dawn All on your own Dig in the dirt One foundation Divide me out Of the equation Verse two changes All the rules You left your home You Goddamn fool You give up safety Give up rest To play the role Less fortunate You didn't want Sedentary You didn't want To set down roots You didn't ask For habitation Like it or not We're in cahoots Clean the mess The fucking mess you made Walking away Is no escape What will you achieve Far away from me? Why would you make me The reason you leave? Dig this beat I made it scratch It's six chords plus A ride and splash I close my eyes It takes me home I can't forget The dulcet tone Dig these words Not too deep A time capsule Digital keep Maybe a Millennium Suns will fill The sounds again Fourth verse Same as the first But dig in harder Til you burst You built a house Of expectations Disappointed In your creation Anarchy In Canada Solidarity And peace We built a home On stolen land Now it's time To pay the lease Clean the mess The fucking mess you made Walking away Is no escape What will you achieve Far away from me? Why would you make me The reason you leave? Dig in friends Dig your heels Big split ends Big shit feels You built a house Of clay and dust Just because You must, you must You built a tender Heart of gold You named it after Your own soul Dig in your heels You stubborn beast You wouldn't want To see me leave Clean the mess The fucking mess you made Walking away Is no escape What will you achieve Far away from me? Why would you make me The reason you leave?
9.
03:44
By the way I still love you madly By the way I still sing badly By the way Never do me halfway Every day I still love you madly By the way I still love you madly By the way I still sing badly By the way Never do me halfway Every day I still love you madly Take note of this I got out of bed today It's noteworthy I still love you, by the way Take note of this I still sing songs for you They're not lovely But I do what I gotta do By the way I still love you madly By the way I still sing badly By the way Never do me halfway Every day I still love you madly By the way I still love you madly By the way I still sing badly By the way Never do me halfway Every day I still love you madly P. S. It wasn't meant to last P. S. This too shall pass P. S. Never stop laughing And by the way I will always love you madly By the way I still love you madly By the way I still sing badly By the way Never do me halfway Every day I still love you madly
10.
04:24
Just a little prick It won't hurt much If you're squeamish Just don't touch The rewards Are worth the pain You'll never have to Go back again I love you My Valentine It's so wholesome I am crying I had a dream You wanted to leave I'm awake But it sits with me This right here Is the prevailing theme I get to love But it's never free The price is high A costly fee I pay daily In anxiety Land of souls Take your pick Turn it off again But make it quick I am not A moral conquest It ain't love If it ain't honest

about

Recorded in 21 days in February 2020, as part of the RPM Challenge.
An album about fucking depression.
No strings. No samples.
Just VSTs and Vox.

credits

released February 28, 2020

Produced, written, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl.

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Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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