Fadboi Blues

by Jacob Earl

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04:24

about

Recorded in 21 days in February 2020, as part of the RPM Challenge.
An album about fucking depression.
No strings. No samples.
Just VSTs and Vox.

credits

released February 28, 2020

Produced, written, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl.

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all rights reserved

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about

Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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Track Name: Drops Of Desperation
Drops drops drops
Of Desperation
Drops drops drops
Of Desperation

Headed to the woods
In a storm
Headed to the lake
Drops drops drops

Headed to the woods
Gonna be a hermit
Headed to the lake
In a storm

Drops drops drops
Of Desperation
Drops drops drops
Of Desperation
Track Name: Sadboi Dancer
Maybe I'm just a bootlicker now
But baby I just wanna flicker out
It's five to ten on a Sunday night
I'm lying in bed, dead tired

Maybe I just wanna dance now
But not sure what would break it down
This anhedonia; work or play
I'd rather sleep the day away

Sadboi Dancer
Mood enhancer
Fadboi Blues
In my dancing shoes

Maybe I'm just a shit kicker now
But baby I'm not sure, not sure how
I reached the point of no return
Maybe it's cuz I have no sperm

Maybe this is better solved
With pain pills, mouth-dissolved
Depression knocking at my door
Take me to the dance floor

Sadboi Dancer
Mood enhancer
Fadboi Blues
In my dancing shoes
Track Name: Queer Blues
If yr Queer and you know it
Sing the blues
If yr Queer and you know it
Sing the blues

You pop a pill
And smoke to chill
And maybe just
Swipe left until

Yr Queer and you know it
Sing the blues
Yr Queer and you know it
Sing the blues

How can you have
Love to give
Some days it's an effort
Just to live

Drag yourself
From home to work
At night the
Internet you lurk

If yr Queer and you know it
Sing the blues
If yr Queer and you know it
Sing the blues
Track Name: Radiohead Cover Song
I had a dream
A filthy little dream
The men in churches
Filthy little queens
The paranoia
Sliced really lean
The pigs all wrapped in
Polyethylene

I had the blues
The blues, the blues
I had the oranges
Green ones too
Who did you do it
Do it, do it to?
Just tell me, tell me, tell me
Two plus two

You will drown
No one else around
Blame yourself
Blow it down
You'll drown
You hypocrite
You piece of shit
You dirty liar too
I bought your wit
You're a wolf, disguised it

Almost too good
You even believed it
You were out for blood
Hail, hail, hail
Bow to the chief
You're the first to fail
Ghost with teeth

You dirty little liar
Yr weak in the knees
Bully in grade school
Spelling Bees
You dirty little liar
Yr weak in the knees

I had the blues
I had the oranges
And green ones too
Who did you do it
Do it, do it to?
Just tell me, tell me, tell me
Two plus two

You will drown
No one else around
Blame yourself
Blow it down
You'll drown
Track Name: Internude
The only thing cheers me up
The internet of things
Computer in my pocket
Living like Kings

The only thing cheers me up
Getting into bed
Computer in my hand
Composing 'til I'm dead

The only thing creeping me
Creeping me
Internude
The only thing keeping me
Keeping me
It's you, it's you

The only thing gets me up
The only one I can afford
Lying high and nude, dear
Singing My Sweet Lord

Sparsely decorated
Tastefully art
Flashes, hot flashes
Just desserts

The only thing creeping me
Creeping me
Internude
The only thing keeping me
Keeping me
It's you, it's you
Track Name: For The Record
I fucking put the record on
I fucking drop the needle
I fucking feel the beat begin
I fucking close my eyes

I fucking sit down again
I sink into my head
I put my other thoughts away
I want to fucking cry

The music fills me up again
This is the only cure
I fucking hate how this works
I wanna get out of my head

There is no break or chorus
It's all the fucking same
A weekly repetition
One day I'll just be dead

That just ain't fucking good enough
I want some fucking closure
Some peace, for the record
Something with fucking heart

Maybe I don't deserve it
Maybe no one does
I hate spinning in circles
I want a fresh start

The beat, it slowly peters out
The scratchy static starts
It's time to flip the record
It's been so fucking long

I sit here, eyes closed
I'll fucking die alone
Let's say, that's my assumption
Let's say, please prove me wrong
Track Name: Pretending
Everybody stop pretending
That fat is a sin
And food a reward

Everybody lending
To the bank of lies
The lies are yr Lord

Everybody always sending
The message is stark
The meaning is lost

Everybody depending
On dreams in the dark
The solipsist cost

I was never pretending
It was ever good times
I just had to put a mask on
To read between the lines

Everybody stop pretending
That money is a measure
Of worth

I ain't offended yet
But I ain't the one
Diggin in the dirt

Everybody brass knuckles
Got yr hackles up
Back against the wall

It pays to be fucking paranoid
Pretending the worst
Expecting the fall

I was never pretending
It was ever good times
I just had to put a mask on
To read between the lines
Track Name: Home
Dig in friends
Dig your heels
Big split ends
Big shit feels
You built a house
Of clay and stone
You built four walls
You call it home
You built a fragile
House of bones
You named it dawn
All on your own
Dig in the dirt
One foundation
Divide me out
Of the equation

Verse two changes
All the rules
You left your home
You Goddamn fool
You give up safety
Give up rest
To play the role
Less fortunate
You didn't want
Sedentary
You didn't want
To set down roots
You didn't ask
For habitation
Like it or not
We're in cahoots

Clean the mess
The fucking mess you made
Walking away
Is no escape
What will you achieve
Far away from me?
Why would you make me
The reason you leave?

Dig this beat
I made it scratch
It's six chords plus
A ride and splash
I close my eyes
It takes me home
I can't forget
The dulcet tone
Dig these words
Not too deep
A time capsule
Digital keep
Maybe a
Millennium
Suns will fill
The sounds again

Fourth verse
Same as the first
But dig in harder
Til you burst
You built a house
Of expectations
Disappointed
In your creation
Anarchy
In Canada
Solidarity
And peace
We built a home
On stolen land
Now it's time
To pay the lease

Clean the mess
The fucking mess you made
Walking away
Is no escape
What will you achieve
Far away from me?
Why would you make me
The reason you leave?

Dig in friends
Dig your heels
Big split ends
Big shit feels
You built a house
Of clay and dust
Just because
You must, you must
You built a tender
Heart of gold
You named it after
Your own soul
Dig in your heels
You stubborn beast
You wouldn't want
To see me leave

Clean the mess
The fucking mess you made
Walking away
Is no escape
What will you achieve
Far away from me?
Why would you make me
The reason you leave?
Track Name: P.S.
By the way
I still love you madly
By the way
I still sing badly
By the way
Never do me halfway
Every day
I still love you madly

By the way
I still love you madly
By the way
I still sing badly
By the way
Never do me halfway
Every day
I still love you madly

Take note of this
I got out of bed today
It's noteworthy
I still love you, by the way
Take note of this
I still sing songs for you
They're not lovely
But I do what I gotta do

By the way
I still love you madly
By the way
I still sing badly
By the way
Never do me halfway
Every day
I still love you madly

By the way
I still love you madly
By the way
I still sing badly
By the way
Never do me halfway
Every day
I still love you madly

P. S.
It wasn't meant to last
P. S.
This too shall pass
P. S.
Never stop laughing
And by the way
I will always love you madly

By the way
I still love you madly
By the way
I still sing badly
By the way
Never do me halfway
Every day
I still love you madly
Track Name: ILU
Just a little prick
It won't hurt much
If you're squeamish
Just don't touch
The rewards
Are worth the pain
You'll never have to
Go back again

I love you
My Valentine
It's so wholesome
I am crying
I had a dream
You wanted to leave
I'm awake
But it sits with me

This right here
Is the prevailing theme
I get to love
But it's never free
The price is high
A costly fee
I pay daily
In anxiety

Land of souls
Take your pick
Turn it off again
But make it quick
I am not
A moral conquest
It ain't love
If it ain't honest

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