There Is A Line To Trace

by Jacob Earl

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1.
Would you believe I am the GOAT? I got in yr castle By swimming yr moat Snake in the grass Snake in the water Snake in the garden Of peace and slaughter Would it appeal To anyone If it weren't About having fun? See me naked; see me bare See all scars under there See me naked; see me bare See all scars under there Were I a liar When the sword came down Preach to the choir The class clown Would you believe There’s a god in your eyes I’m relieved exists, or Should I then see That’s a star in my mouth and that’s light you’ve kissed, now Would you believe It’s a part of some process, cliché shit, but Should we concede We are no longer lost and we’re scared of it, when Dreams leave the sleep With a curious thud we misinterpret for Scenes we’ve both seen That were bundled with scars of a love hard spent, At least we can breathe We can heal arm first, fears reversed, tears burst, begging Could you believe There’s a god in your eyes I’m relieved exists, You Would you believe I ate the fruit? My sin made me leave My sin made me do it I love a good sweet Everything drops away It's just you and me And I want you to stay Would it be wrong To negotiate? I didn't belong And now it's too late Could it reverse If I apologize? I've been the worst I've told so many lies Were I a liar When the sword came down Preach to the choir The class clown Would you believe I am the GOAT? I got in yr castle By swimming yr moat Snake in the grass Snake in the water Snake in the garden Of peace and slaughter
2.
A calendar marks the anniversary Of the day I decided to leave There is a line to trace from there to here And it marks a path we all grieve I used to smoke too many cigarettes That was 20 years ago I stayed up all night watching tracers in the park Til I couldn't take no more No one took my innocence There was nothing there to take Just a trace of the beast on the inside Just a ghost in my place Well fuck this, cuz I didn't ask for this It's when the onion peels away You're still crying, nothing on the inside But there is a line to trace Being in lust wasn't good enough for me Convinced by no one but myself I wasn't the only foolish one in need But I didn't want your help New year, new vision It's me but much improved I looked inside when I unravelled I was terrified, I was moved No one took my innocence There was nothing there to take Just a trace of the beast on the inside Just a ghost in my place The trick is to believe in it whole The trick is to walk out the door There is a line to trace if you look back, my dear That's not my Lot anymore
3.
03:24
I built a fragile home It couldn't hold up on its own I wanted all the love inside It leaked away with all the lies I built a starship To take us on the furthest trip To take us to the farthest star But you're already gone to far In My mind You already left me behind I apologize For not being a larger size My heart cannot contain us both Still I try, though I fret about the smallest things It's right there in the songs I sings It pours out on me like concrete Til all I feel is your heart beat In My mind You already left me behind I go without saying goodbye Slip out before the sunrise But I'm always back before the eve I could never really, truly leave In My mind You already left me behind
4.
03:54
Out Stick out like a sore thumb Out Stick it out til yr numb All the reasons people other you Be proud of the choices you made And fuck the ones they made for you Fuck the games they played Yr not the star of the show Yr just a temporary stand-in Every night you bask in the glow A melee of glad-handing Out Stick out like a sore thumb Out Stick it out til yr numb They all yelled, "What are you good for?" They all laughed in your face They don't know what you have in store You're gonna put them all in their place Aren't ya? Out Stick out like a sore thumb Out Stick it out til yr numb
5.
04:29
Lucid and dreaming A whole other life What's wrong with this one? Nothing, nothing You've got what you wanted And to hell with the rest Did the enemy give in? The enemy within Pretend you're an astronaut Pretend you're the president You're nothing special But nobody is Some folks they fake it With perfect technique You want a denial You want a quick fix The dreams you gave up Were fleeting They couldn't quench Your desires A flash in the pan Burned you once And you promised to never Love again The fix didn't fix it It never does At first an improvement Then it slips A soul tracheotomy To let my heart breathe Only to find out It already drips I cleaned up my act Enough for a pass I quietly move Thru the day You gave me hope For a better solution A silver lining in the Grey The dreams you gave up Were fleeting They couldn't quench Your desires A flash in the pan Burned you once And you promised to never Love again Lucid and dreaming Lucky you, lucky you You found a quick fix To get you through I never listen For uninvited guests Wrapped up in my own tricks Give it a rest
6.
This disguise just won't work no more I lost the "why"s I was hunting for It was a slow, slow, painful death I had to redirect all my energy down to heck They didn't want me in Heaven or Purgatory It was a slow, slow, painful death I told the truth, whatever it wrecked A Crack dissolved my dirty origin story This disguise just won't work no more I lost the "why"s I was hunting for Twas the night before Christmas and everyone died At least it felt that way on my insides I lay alone in a tobacco-stained apartment Twelve years later I'm on a different ride I've got God and Satan by my side Presents wrapped and all my Christmas cards sent This disguise just won't work no more I lost the "why"s I was hunting for At the very same time I pull my wisdom teeth Your wise, wise words finally impact me I put all my eggs in one basket They crack and dissolve in the acid rain The party line states, "stay in your lane" And you don't have to ask where my mask went This disguise just won't work no more I lost the "why"s I was hunting for
7.
I got the strength to cross the river All the lengths I've gone to deliver This one last trip will make me rich All this time, I was the snitch New verse for a different control I tried so hard to make me whole A competitive Lord would have left me to die A compassionate soul couldn't even try Sky and the other side This is the hardest I've ever tried Superstition doesn't get you far I mean, how many beats, how many bars? Drink for the thirst, drink for the hunger The Lord always left you alone to wonder Did you pass away in your sleep? Is this the longest death dream? Are you a ghost without a home? Non-corporeal and you didn't even know Say goodbye to your friends and fam Being a spectre is like being on the lam(b) Sacrificial to faith of the Holy If only you could tell me, if only, if only Cruel whim of an absent creator Still not here two thousand years later Left you up to your own devices The hurting numbed by all your vices Sky and the other side This is the hardest I've ever tried One day we all bite the dust There's an expiry date you can trust How you fill your days til then I can't make it like it was back then We were cannibals on the road Eating ourselves to make ourselves whole I can laugh about it all now When I was knee-deep in it, I didn't know how Yes, I regret how I treated you so callous It was out of jealousy, never out of malice But the product was the same, I was to blame For the shame you felt, and it was never the same You and I don't speak anymore But the Lord's still haunting both our doors It's the price we pay for hypocrisy And if it damns us both, I guess we'll see Sky and the other side This is the hardest I've ever tried
8.
In the after life What happens when you die? In the after life What happens when you die? Is there an after life? Some sorta guiding light? A secret reason to it all Raise you up after the fall I got so many questions left Not even answered yet Who gets the final word This end is absurd What's the use in being right? It won't ever freeze the night Mo(u)rning always comes Death always becomes Did you choose a path of sin So they wouldn't let you in? What happens when you die? Do they find out all your lies? In the after life What happens when you die? In the after life What happens when you die? I gotta lot of regrets You ain't even seen me yet This is just my infant form I ain't even born I wanna stay some more I wanna grow my horns You ain't seen nothing yet I gotta lotta regrets In the after life What happens when you die? In the after life What happens when you die?

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Eight brand new songs about death, depression, dogma, and drugs.

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released May 29, 2020

Produced, written, recorded, and performed by Jacob Earl.

Additional lyrics, vocals, and productions by Damn Selene.

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Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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