We Have Lost Contact

by Jacob Earl

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1.
it was your heart beating out of control as you crossed the finish line for the last time this is the furthest you have to go no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t get stuck between here and your next dream no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t leave without me it was your heart beating out of your breast it was your fists pounding your legs bounding you could never be at rest no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t get stuck between here and your next dream no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t forget to say what you mean it was your heated breath on my back that let me know you were preparing for attack it was your heart beating like the sun that burned away my fears of being alone for all these years no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t get stuck between here and your next dream no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t forget to feel for your heartbeat like a battle drum inches away I could feel the thrum It was your heart beating time to my thoughts I must hold onto What I got It was your heart beating like a song The last thing I was Holding onto It’s your heart beating Out the truth Every beat calms The rhythm soothes no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t get stuck between here and your next dream no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t forget to breath no no don’t forget what you wanted to be your heart’s beating out of control
2.
hark i hear you calling my name ‘cross the red desert planes ‘cross the crystallized refrain on a sky ark we sailed the ocean of black and stars we choked on the habit of our cars so we broke the orbit of the earth and then we settled on Mars love we have colonized a new land sowed the seeds with our hands raised our young to stand tall and proud work you only get what you give in this vast unforgiving place you fight for the right to live same oh we haven’t changed a bit moved ourselves around moulded and paved the ground to suit our needs inside we’re still weak and corrupted when we dry out what we have it’s time to seek out more to grab this never-ending quest is bound to be our arrest can’t settle for second-best we settled on Mars
3.
09:21
flying down the highway with you passed out in the back 90 k to montréal and the heat is on the attack we’re clockin’ 130 I got a sweat-stained shirt the oil is dirty we’re in a world of hurt the ground is sinking away below us and the sky is getting black 65 k to montréal and we’re flying off the track creeping through the countryside as far as the eye can see the power lines stretching out all the way to the sea the bothersome feeling stealing away at me that all this barren land with out caring ain’t the way it ought to be if we could go back to simpler times would it change the way we turned? and have we really earned anything of what we’ve learned? all this messing have we learned any lesson? the sky gets blacker and we keep undressing in the grip of the wheels i can feel the tension of the coiled steel and strained suspension it all breaks down to lines and numbers gridded out in the crack and thunder geometry and you and me flying down the highway in silent speed flying down the highway with you caressing my back 50 k to montréal and we ain’t never coming back it all breaks down to lines and numbers gridded out in the crack and thunder geometry and you and me we’re never going to go under flying down the highway with you caressing my back
4.
you and i, we used to click like a light and if i ever believed in a thing called a soul and that two of these things could together fill a hole you certainly would have fit that mold just right now we have lost contact from all the notions we held dear and broken every unspoken contract written in our tears thrown away all our emotions but for the fear we won’t ever recover from what we have lost we refuse to even acknowledge the true cost this asphalt used to be green it stings my shins and scrapes my knees and shreds my jeans and the skin in-between this ravine where i loved you used to be so clean we have lost contact with the truth in favour of a cheaper substitute i have loved every crease of your skin your dirty nails and quivering chin like a fading memory of senses we once thought of as sin this anger has now carved me out inside the asphalt meeting my feet is the only contact that i don’t hide anymore we won’t ever recover from what we have lost we refuse to even acknowledge the true cost
5.
i’ve counted the days since we parted ways and the memories get vague but I don’t let them go i smoothed out the sheets used to house your silhouette used to hold your body heat since the day that we met and you know this isn’t entirely for show this insistence the resistance to nostalgic replay if i knew just how what i think I know now it wouldn’t change that i’m alone here today i’ve counted the days since we parted ways and the memories get vague but I don’t let them go i spared all the knick-knacks you left totems collecting the dust bric-a-brac now all bereft of the memories formed from our lust embracing the furniture that you chose to abandon with the scars i am sure that i had a hand in i’ve counted the days since we parted ways and I don’t want to let go but I must

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Third in a trilogy of EPs released in 2008. Semi-autobiographical stories about death, love, nostalgia, and childhood.

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released November 17, 2008

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Jacob Earl Ottawa, Ontario

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog.

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